Commiseration

Sometimes I wonder how she is doing. She doesn't seem to be doing so well, or maybe I just assumed.

Not everyone is able to get over certain events in their lives by running away until they are ready, or get to the point when time really dulls whatever pain that was incurred.

Some people don't even get the luxury of running away or even ever hope that they will eventually get over it.

They just suffer in silence, praying for resolution someday.

At the back of my mind, I have always hope to be able to sit down with her someday and thrash everything out. Listen to her story, tell her mine.

Because deep down, I think we are not really all that different. We have so many similarities that it seems almost ironic.

I think the bottomline is, we all just need someone to commiserate. Even when there may or may not be closure.

The Spirit Is Upon Us!

One week down, three more weeks to go before December.

Apart from officially starting work at SGP, December also marks the beginning of the end of 2009, which has been a really eventful year for me.

What started out as a shitty year had quickly righted itself to become a pretty good one.

Thank all that is good and wonderful for that.

I wonder what 2010 has in store for me. Hopefully, I am ready and all geared up for it! New decade, new leaf!

But first December! I am sure Christmas and New Year celebrations alone will be the highlight of the month.

Apart from the usual Pinkies Christmas Eve we-love-each-other-so-damn-much yearly celebrations, I am hoping to start a new tradition this year, celebrating New Year's Eve with Lyn, Chris and Cindy.

Why a new tradition now? Although there are a lot of great people in my life, there are some who has stuck by me throughout the years, and these people are the ones who I really want to spend the year end holidays with.

Because to me, these holidays not only mean a public holiday when we don't have to work. It also symbolises the end of a year, whether its good or bad, and ushering in the new one with the people you care about.

Sappy, I know, but I believe in counting my blessings.

Such simple bliss is hard to come by, and I really want to treasure every moment of it.

Travel Log.Phuket

I suppose it's time I blog about my maiden trip to Phuket. It was a relaxing trip with lots of suntanning, massages and good food. I look so healthy now with my tanned shoulders, when all I did was just lie around and let the sun rays do their job. Haha!

Although it was a bit lacking sightseeing wise for me, I will definitely go back again because it was just so relaxing! Other than the above mentioned activities, me and Lyn also went for elephant trekking, movies and tried to act like shooting pros playing House Of The Dead 4 at the arcade in Jungceylon.

Oh and have I mentioned the tons of cute, tanned guys milling around in nothing more than beach shorts? ;)

Some choice pictures (is 40 considered some?). The rest will be up on Facebook whenever I can get them up.


On flight with my travel buddy and Xiao Qing!


Streets of Phuket


Our hotel, Mercure Patong


The room, we got an upgrade too!


Night streets of Phuket


Our favourite snack, crepes! But they call it pancake there, so pancake it is!


Flavour of choice: banana and nutella. Yummers!


Everyone in Phuket is wearing one of these singlets, I am fashionable in Phuket!


Elephant trekking time! So cute hor, this elephant!

The elephant trekking was pretty awesome. There was...


Jungle view


Sea view


And road view!!! Call me suaku, but I was damn impressed when the elephant walked onto the main road!


Happy girls atop the elephant


With our elephant master and the elephant. He seems to be the leader, walking in front all the way. So cool!


Another elephant in the pack stopping to poop and take a leak. Look at the amount of piss!!! SWISH~~~

Only in Phuket, you can see a random toilet bowl out in the open, in the middle of nowhere...


Like that.


Time to feed the elephants! Yippie! 大象, 大象, 你的鼻子为何那么长? 妈妈说鼻子长才是漂亮!!!


At the beach!


Tried talking to the dog, no response. I wonder whether it will respond if I speak Thai...


The roof top pool deck at our hotel. Love it! I was there all the time, tanning and swimming because there was practically no one there. I even went up just to do some reading and take a nap by myself when Lyn was off diving.


Chilling on a pool deck with some margaritas. Life does not get better than this. With alcohol so cheap, even a non-drinker will want a sip.


My "Legally Blonde" moment. Hoho.


The pool downstairs, we only went once because it's always so crowded. Me no likey.


Best dinner in Phuket! Seafood basket! Lobster lobster, I lub chiu!


Lobster, lobster, I'm gonna eat chiu!


Brekkie on one of the days


Jungceylon. Not really into the shopping there though.


It's Halloween~~~


Lunch at Harry's Restaurant (I think). Pork tenderloin with asparagus and shrimps. Slurp~~~


At the beach again!


Both of us had friends who were there as well, so we had dinner together on the last night.


Old coconut! No taste!


Tom yam gooooooooooooooong!!!


Tutu and Us


Interesting object spotted: Mobile ATM! Both Lyn and I agree that we will never take money from something like that. So dangerous!


Chilling out at a cafe near our hotel


Last day... I DON'T WANNA GO HOME!


Lunch at Pizza Company before we go. I love the pizzas there! Had it twice. Their cheese crust, basically our stuffed crust, is so nice! Cheese that melts in your mouth!


Our 600 baht transport to the airport. Byebye Phuket! I WILL BE BACK!

PS: A special note to my travel buddy. Had loads of fun walking around 38ing with you. More trips to come! =D

Where's My Yellow Umbrella?

I am always telling people that I am having a lot of fun enjoying my single life now. Which I really do.

But allow me to take a few minutes of leave from that to indulge in some self-pity.

I AM NEVER GOING TO GET MARRIED!!! BECAUSE I CAN NEVER FIND A GOOD GUY!!!

BOOHOOHOO!!!

Okay cut! Thanks. I needed that.

Just heard a scary story about this guy that my friend is seeing. And I promised no leaking of details, so I cannot really say what happened. But suffice to say, it's not pleasant.

With guys like that running around, which good woman dares to date?

Hence the moment of self-pity.

And yes, that is as exciting as my love life can get.

Not sure to cheer or weep over that.

Sunday Update

Got my first bikini tan mark!

I think bikini tan marks are damn ugly. But oh well, no one is going to see it anyway. I went tanning because I want the damn racerback mark off, and also, I DO NOT want to look like a fricking cabbage when I go to Phuket.

Guilty Pleasure Confession Time... I got this picture as my desktop wallpaper:


DROOL!

I have not had a half-naked man on my desktop for years. The last one was King Leonidas (Gerard Butler) from 300. So... It's REALLY been a while. *phew for dispelling self-doubts that I am no longer interested in men*

Yes, I am watching True Blood. And no, I DO NOT LIKE BILL COMPTON! That dude seriously needs to fix his hair! And he is so damn annoying! Always looking at Sookie with that damn KNN henpecked expression. WEAR SOME PANTS MAN!

I am pretty sure Stephen Moyer and Anna Paquin are like that in real life too. I like Anna Paquin though. She has this vibe of spunk and inner strength about her that I've always find intriguing.

I like Sam Merlotte too, good guy charm with a tinge of danger and mystery.

Okay, if I am being perfectly honest, I kinda like Bill too. When he's not being irritating and his bangs properly arranged, he can be quite charming.

But no prizes for guessing who I likey the most! Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!! Lets look again at the magnificence that is Eric Northman aka Alexander Skarsgård again!


I will let him bite me anywhere man. DROOL AGAIN!

Current favourite quote from the show (I have like a ton of favourite quotes, but this one I can use on a daily basis): "Don't use words I don't understand" - quote Eric Northman (who else?).

Be prepared to hear this a lot, my friends.

A LOT! You have been so warned.

Long Note: It's not that I only look at the men in the show. People who have watched the show back me on this. There is just NO likeable female characters in the show. They are all so irritating! The ones who have or will eventually die aside, the only constants are what, Sookie, Tara and maybe Pam?

Sookie is alright at first, but ever since she got together with Bill, the two of them are just rolling downhill in a big hay ball of annoying. It's really frustrating because I really like them at first.

And don't even get me started on Tara. She makes me want to hit things with my head so that my brain don't have to register the things she does. Can we say HELLO to aggravating please?

Now Pam, Pam is alright. She is actually the only female character that I enjoy watching. Not just because she almost always appears when Eric appears. She contributes to the plot in a subtle yet entertaining way.

Disclaimer: I am just talking about my likes and dislikes for the characters, and not the actors who portray them. I do not know them personally and hence have no call to say whether I like them or not. Oh, except for the part where I say I like Anna Paquin, and I have explained why too. And frankly, why am I even bothering to disclaim, so kthanxbai.

Snippet

She placed the headphones over her ears and pushed the "Play" button of her Ipod.

Her current favourite music flooded into her ears and she let out a sigh of relief. This one single moment, listening to something other than the constant buzz in the restaurant she worked at, was the only one single redeeming moment of her entire day.

Her entire day of suffering through the needless requirement to work in a job she hated, and interact with people who never truly understood her beyond the simple greetings and their orders of oily, unhealthy food that they definitely overpaid for.

She lived in a small town that was so unobtrusive that even if the name was mentioned, few people would had heard of it, much less recognised it. It was so unobtrusive that no one would even thought to try to find it on a map, although it's there. It's definitely there.

She always thought of it as the little unknown town that she grew up in. She was not exactly sure if she was born there, as her memories were a little hazy before the age of five. But she definitely remember eating ice-cream and playing at the now-rusty playground near Bendel's Ice-Cream, which had now turned into some kind of video game arcade, with severely out-of-date games that did not work half the time, which was also an internet cafe running on 56k modems, and also a movie rental.

At least the movies were still pretty much recent. She mused to herself.

Roger, who took over the shop after his father passed away, took pride in the fact that his movies caught up to at the very least last year's box office. Considering, it was a pretty strong effort made.

"Hey Wilma!"

She squeezed her eyes shut in exasperation, hoping that whoever called her would think that she was listening too intently to her headphones, resulting in her not hearing anything, and leave her alone.

She started making a tiny, but no less fervent, prayer that whoever it was would go away.

"Hey Wilma! I am calling ya!"

Wilma pulled the headphones off, a little too violently in her frustration, cutting off her only salvation of the day, and turned around to see Patrick standing behind her in his apron.

She squinted a little, pretending that the sun was in her eyes, but the truth was that everytime she saw Patrick, her supposedly boyfriend, she would squint a little because she had absolutely no idea why they were together.

Patrick was just like the rest of the people in the town. Contented with their monotonous, routine lives, without seemingly the need to search for something more.

She could feel her brain screaming at the prospect of living like that for the rest of her life.

However, all she did was smile a smile that did not quite reach her eyes and held out her hand to Patrick.

Patrick, the cook, with his greasy hands and fried food smell.

Wilma sighed, allowing Patrick to pull her to her feet and kissed her.

Her boyfriend.

The screaming in her brain continued as they walked back into the restaurant together.

PS: I don't usually post the fictional stuffs that I write in my blog because I have a very weird complex about them. But I am really bored right now. It's been a while since I tried to write anything though. It feels nice, even if it's short.

Sometimes growing up, you forget about the things that you had once thought would be the passion shaping your entire life.

De-Nied!

Dreams are our minds' way of reminding us how really fucked up we are.

I had a dream yesterday that had me waking up, and recoiling in horror.

It was not a nightmare, but due to the fact that I have ostentatiously decided to put my blog link on my Facebook account, I cannot be too careful what kind of details I share in my blog. And this dream is just too close to home to be shared with people other than my closest friends. Maybe not even them.

I know, I kicked myself in my nonexistent balls there, didn't I?

The idea of having people actually read my blog and secretly admiring me for my quick sarcasm and witty humour is just too great to ignore.

So I had a dream, a horrible dream that is not exactly a nightmare.

It's just one that makes me not want to wake up because it contains a scenario that I had hoped will happen so badly, but had to hide it in some deep, dark, remote corner of my mind, because I know very well that it will not and can not happen.

But of course, my mind deems fit to remind me by having me dream of it.

Talk about cheap shots. Attack a person's senses when her defenses are at its lowest; while she is asleep and unable to control her conscious thoughts.

So this concludes one thing...

I am my own worst enemy...

And I am fucked up.

But then, what's new?

PS: Still have not had the continuation dream to the impotent-possible-love-interest dream. Damn.

My Weird Dream

I was from a war-torn village, escaping from the village with two other villagers, a pair of brothers.

We ended up hiding out in a deserted house and started living there.

After some time, I began to develop a liking for the younger brother. But unfortunately... he was injured during the war and was unable to perform... productively, meaning he's i-m-p-o-t-e-n-t.

I even went as far to declare my liking for him, and when he confessed to me that his schlong doesn't work, I even asked "Are you sure it doesn't work? Are you sure?"

He then advised me to go for his older brother, who is perfectly potent, instead.

I don't know what happened from this point on, because I was awakened by an ill-timed SMS. -_-

I wonder if I will ever get to find out if I will live happily ever after with impotent. Hmmm...

Everything In Moderation

I get so lazy to blog nowadays because I spend all my spare time on Facebook, or rather, refreshing Facebook just to see what anyone else is up to.

But I just spent the past five minutes pressing F5 and niente, so here I am to blog.

Recently, an interesting situation has presented itself to me, and I find myself rather bewildered by the turn of events.

So there is this super cute guy at work, who I have ogled admired on many occasions. He is the kind whom I would consider perfect great looks; tall, dark, handsome with the kind of chiselled-ness that comes with lots of hard work in the gym. Good for looking, but never would I ever think about being interested in because, come on let's face it, we are in utterly different leagues. Let's call him A.

And then there is this other guy who is more of my type, cute in a homely fashion and one who I feel very comfortable talking to and do not feel intimidated at all around. Let's call him B, and I am really kinda attracted to him.

Then, one day, during a girly conversation with the ladies at work, when asked who I think is the most good-looking guy in the office, my reply was A, because I really find that he is the most good-looking guy in the office.

Then suddenly, with little effort on my part, the situation suddenly became "Oh, Moreen likes A... Moreen is interested in A."

Subsequently on a particularly fateful night, at the office party, one of my dear "helpful" friends from work went to tell A, "There is someone who wants to know you better..."

Of course, I did not know that, and somehow let slipped while we were all sitting around the table that I knew his birthdate... And I think he knows that the "person who wants to know him better" is me.

He does not seem very happy about it...

Damn. It.

Okay, the whole story is rather complicated, so to cut it short, now, through maybe a little fault of my own, I am totally terrified of encountering him whenever I am in the office. My palms actually sweats when I even hear his voice. Don't ask me why. I guess it's my body's way of reacting to possible embarrassment and awkward situations. Which I hate.

On top of that, I am also being served with the daily coming and going reports of A. My helpful bees are even asking him about his likes and dislikes and then conveying them to me like some serious news of the day.

When I really rather be learning more about B.

And sad to say, I have tried to turn some of my private limited feminine charms on B, with no response whatsoever. If anything, during the party, he actually patted me on my shoulder with a super platonic smile and asked me to "keep in touch!".

You think that is good?

NO!

Sigh...

Why must he pat me on the shoulder? Can't he be like aiming for somewhere a little more in the "not-so-buddy-yet-still-respectful-but-with-adoration" zone? Like maybe the hand, or the wrist, or whatever place it is that men touch when they are interested in a girl...

Hmmm, I wonder what soup should I ask the LaoPeh to cook tomorrow.

Okay, I am being random again. But I think I would really rather mull over my dinner soup options than to try to read into the actions of men.

Of course, I am still hard-pressed in trying to convince my friends at work that I am REALLY not interested in A. He is simply too chiselled for me. I am worried that being around him too much will make me feel fat and ugly, and add on to the already low self-esteem and self-contempt issues that are bubbling deep down, deep deep down inside, threatening to bubble to the surface anytime!

And I applaud you if you have actually read till here. You are indeed a good friend.

Konstantine

I don't understand all the things you've seen
But I'm slipping in between
You and your big dreams...

It's always you
In my big dreams

Congrats To The Newly Wedded!

Live From F1

Finally, time to slow down and take a breather from the madness that was the past couple of months.

Although I wouldn't say I did a perfect job; along the way making up things as I go, not knowing for sure if I was right. Encountering scores of mistakes ranging from negligible to serious, and harbouring thoughts of giving up but yet not willing to give up the chance to prove at the very least to myself that I can do it.

It was just such a rush for me.

It felt nice when something that you have been working on for a period of time finally come into culmination and you know that you are finally where you want to be.

Three months.

It will be something that I will always remember. The lessons I learn from beginning to end, the people I met along the way. Things I will never forget.

Although I met a lot of shits and assholes along the way, I also got to know a lot of good people, who showed me that people do care about each other, showing support for someone you barely know for five minutes, lending a hand without even being asked.

Now that it's nearing the end, I know it was all with no regrets.

I Am Going To Bangkok!

I really can't help but wonder... How long does memories last?

Will we ever forget the good ones?

Will we ever let go of the bad ones?

Let's pray not for the former and hope so for the latter.

When was the last time your heart skipped a beat? A quick stop and flutter that makes you smile and sets a cheerful mood for the rest of the day. It's not everyday a guy you find cute grabs your wrist playfully, right?

In my humble opinion, all single ladies should engage in such harmless, playfulness from time to time.

=)

Now We Are Talking

Rejoice, all who loves me! For I am still very much alive!

For those who hates me, BUGGER OFF AND EAT SOME GARBAGE! YOU ARE NOT DESERVING!

So it's been a while I have done a proper update because I have been busy with work, spending as much time with people I love spending time with and doing as many things that I love doing as possible. Basically just living the way I have always wanted for myself at this point of time in my life.

Life's treating me well and I don't really want to let myself down again by not enjoying it. And no, this is not one of those "I love my life so much that I just have to brag about it" post. It's more of a reminder to myself that I am finally ready to live for myself again. I lost so much in the past couple of years, and I fully plan to catch up now.

It's just kind of weird considering that not too long ago, I felt like I was in the deepest pits of shit and not knowing when or even if I could climb out of it.

Of course, it's not really that perfect right now. Nothing ever is or will be. I have a job I like, but it's only for three months. I have tons of friends, but almost all of them are attached, so I am pretty much the only singleton whenever I go out with them. And it seems like the happier I am, the fatter I get.

But I am adopting a relaxed attitude about everything. The job market competition is stiff, but I am prepared to be patient and not be too anxious to jump into anything. I want to find something that really suits me and make a career out of it. And considering how much fun I am having right now with the people in my life, being single for a long time to come, without the heartache, the problems and the constant worry of the future definitely sounds like a plan.

Nothing I can do about being a fatty though.

Better happy and fat than nothing at all, eh?

=)

PS: HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY TO OUR MOTHERLAND, AND A HAPPY NATIONAL DAY TO ALL!

My Sunday Endeavour

Jellies with cherries!

Nothing really fantastic, but it was fun, especially when I remembered that I have some cherries in the fridge.

Hohoho!