"Just because you can't really get over the dark parts, doesn't mean you can't get to the good ones. Sometimes the brightest light comes from the darkest places."
Funny how sometimes you hear something before, perhaps more than once, but when you listen to it again, and really listen to it this time round, it makes so much sense. And it makes you feel a little bit better about your own troubles.
I realise that I don't have the energy to go around telling people the stuff that troubles me any more. I simply just let it stew inside of me, go out into the world pretending everything is just fine and dandy, then get home at the end of the day and start stewing about it all over again. Occasionally, when I have the inclination, like now, I blog about it.
I can think of a couple of reasons why. For one, you never know what kind of reaction you may get. If they pin-point my faults and shortcomings, it makes me upset and angrier. If they are too agreeable, it gives me a faux sense of self-righteousness that more often than not, is just a by-product of them telling me what I want to hear, because they want to avoid making me upset and angrier. Secondly, it just feels too exhausting to constantly tell a negative story that stars me as the protagonist and antagonist at the same time.
That's right. I readily admit that I can be the bad guy. Simply because other people refuse to be or admit that they are. Rather than be the type who quietly creates anarchy then sit back to watch, I decide to get angry and make it explode in everyone's faces. Because the world worships chaos, and without people like me, people get bored too easily. Which makes them feel like there is no meaning to life. Nothing for them to jump in and rescue. Nothing to give them the satisfaction of feeling like they are innately good. Nothing to stop them from feeling that there is nothing worth living for. Nothing to stop them from becoming suicidal as they would now be able to seek hope in the thinking that they are the ray of light that the world needs.
If you ask me, I think the world just cannot help but need more angry people like me. We are the ones that brings out the lightness in the dark. Not because we are dark, but because we are constantly pointing out the dark and hence it draws attention to the light too. Although, sometimes, in our attempts to point out the dark, we sometimes get consumed, without realising it ourselves.
So am I saying that my anger is justified? Not even the slightest. Although I believe that my anger is the sad, misshapen repercussion of the world, my anger is only harmful for myself. None of the goodness, but all of the poison. If this is not the short end of the deal, I don't know what is.
But one can only hope that the brightest light really comes from the darkest places. I can only try my best to see things a little clearer, understand the world a little better. Cross my fingers and hope for the best.
Because like all matters of the world, you never truly know, do you?