An online game such as the one I am playing can bring out certain characteristic traits in people. But whether or not we are actually the one we are in the game, is another question.
Some people have been telling me that I am not serious about the game, while others are telling me that I am taking it much too seriously. And they make comments about my personality which results in my thinking about whether I am really like that in real life too? Then why haven't anyone said anything? Is it because that we haven't interacted enough in real life, which results in them only knowing me more when we started playing this game together almost everyday.
Well, I don't know. I certainly don't see the need to be judged because of a game, but attempts to play solo more often have been met with more comments of my other personality traits.
I guess it is my nature to do things by myself. I am a single child, growing up, I learnt to be by myself and do things on my own all the time, and even when I needed help, I sometimes find that I have no one to turn to.
Although my personality has become less "hermituous" (note: no such word arh, haha) throughout the years, thanks to my Pinkies, I still find myself yearning to just be alone and do things on my own a lot of the time.
Yet, at the same time, that fear of being really alone, sometimes forces me to rely on others even when I don't want to. So in itself, I guess it is a paradox. And somehow, this real life personality trait sort of translates itself into the game, and I find myself unable to enjoy it as much as when I just started playing it, because I have to fight the need to play solo and the want play with my friends.
But all in all, it is just a game to me, I may play it seriously now (see the paradox between play and serious?), but I don't really think that it is something for the long run for me. Simply because I can never be myself in an online game like that where there are just too much interactions with other people.
I still rather prefer my trusty old blog, which I have neglected for a while. And blogging this entry now, I feel like I am finally in a comfortable zone for the first time since the past couple of days. No stress, no frustrations. This is one hobby that I can never give up, because it's the only hobby in the world where I can really be myself.