I am so addicted to my iPhone!
What a way to start a post, right? But yeah, I am so addicted to it. I am sure if I lose my iPhone, I will really start to cry. Sit there, bawl my eyes out, then go out immediately to get another one.
Hello, my name is Moreen. I am an App-oholic.
Been feeling rather discouraged lately, probably largely contributed by the lack of job satisfaction. I've been doing a lot of copy and pasting. And by a lot, I really mean a lot, a lot, a lot. Like 24 thousand worth of it.
While I understand that it's part of any job to do some simple admin, I cannot help but have this feeling that no one will ever really respect or appreciate a person who sits there and press Ctrl C + Ctrl V all day long.
And with my manager away in Europe the last two weeks, I really feel kinda lost because there is no one to discuss work with. No one to share ideas and complaints with because there are only two of us within the same sub-department.
That said, I am so glad that she is back. Since she was back on Monday, she had been involving me steadily in discussions and to-do lists. She is very structured and plans ahead so well. I can only trudged along when she is not around, doing whatever is at hand, while she will think ahead and already knows what should be done.
And she seems to understand exactly what our boss wants, which is something I can never get.
I am not sure if it's because of my still too-little working experience, but I can never second guess what is on the boss' mind. Of course from time to time, she will agree with my ideas and all would be good. But sometimes, I really don't know if I am doing the right thing and that is causing me a lot of trepidation when it comes to work.
More often than not, I find myself keeping quiet because I lack the confidence whether I am on the same page as her. I have never been particularly good with authority and have never really learnt how to interact and communicate with my superiors, preferring to simply do my part at work. This had kind of worked for me in my last job because my department was so big that the boss hardly sees me.
I think I really miss that. Not being noticed. I have no doubts about my ability to produce work, but I know I have seriously crippled social skills, which is now somewhat affecting me at work because I simply don't know how to "socialise" with the boss.
So I am starting to become more taciturn at work, which in turn makes me feel unnatural because I am not a quiet person. All day while sitting there copy and pasting, I feel so off and, for the lack of a better word, "搞味".
Such a wonderful picture, ain't it?
But at the same time I am not really hating it. To a certain extent, I like what I am doing and enjoy my time with my colleagues tremendously. It's just that I cannot help but question myself whether I am really happy and contented.
And it gets even more disappointing when despite feeling down or being really busy, I still try to find it in me to be cheerful towards certain people, only to hit a wall just because some of them are having a bad day. I am having a shit year so far, but I still try to find a smile for them. It feels really disheartening when people who you think you know well enough, suddenly becomes entirely unreadable.
I think I am pretty constant and sometimes I just feel cheated when people keep morphing from one mode to another. One moment they can be all nice and accepting, and the next they start to nitpick or simply ignores your feelings and take you for granted.
Sometimes I find myself feeling a lot of anxiety at night, which is not helping my erratic sleeping patterns. Because I simply dread to wake up the next day and have to try to understand and figure out how to get through the day.
It really feels tiresome. I am much too young to be feeling like I am at the end of my tether. Hope against hope that I can bring myself out of the woods soon.
PS: No spell check. Too discouraged and disheartened. -_-
PSS: Looking through the post and saw the picture of the Mad Hatter below. Made me smile. It's nice to have tiny moments like that...
I hereby declare that I shall try my utmost to become muchier and regain my muchness!
"When that day comes I shall futterwagon... vigorously."