Saturday, October 11, 2014

11 Oct 2015

Facing some really significant changes at work currently, and feeling really overwhelmed.

I cannot remember the last time I felt so in over my head; as if I am swimming in murky waters, trying to find the shore that I cannot even see in the horizon.

But I know that while all these is daunting to me, I am still glad for this opportunity at a new challenge.

I am not exactly someone who seeks out challenges deliberately, or even need any to validate my own sense of existence. I do like being satisfied with a job well-done and the pride that comes with knowing that I have done well, not just for myself, but also for the management and company that have taken care of me for the past six years.

This company has been a turning point in my life, at a time where I felt really lost with nary an inkling of how my life should go. Sure, there were moments in the initial years I was unhappy and wanted to leave so badly, but I stuck on and I am now at a point where I can be happy with what I have achieved so far. Not to mention the great mentors and friends that I would never have the chance to meet if I had not been here.

And when my Dad got sick at the beginning of the year, not only was I given the leeway to concentrate on taking of him, I was given so much support, advise and concern by my boss as well as my peers.

The initial thought of taking up this huge challenge, perhaps the biggest one for me yet, was not exactly for glory, although it was a part of it for sure. Let's be honest, no one does anything without hoping for some form of personal recognition, right? But it really did stamp from a desire to help and make everyone's lives a little bit easier. There were parties involved whom I cared about, and I just want to do what I can to help.

Sadly, thus far, not only have I not lightened anyone's burdens, I feel like I am carrying a huge rock on my shoulders as well. And the belief and faith some of the people around me have in me, is giving me such immense pressure. These are people I really respect and will never want to let down.

But but but...

I do believe in myself. I believe that I have not come this far by chance. I believe that my faith and belief will lead me to right, and that as long as I conduct myself with integrity, kindness and respect, I can never go wrong.

Ultimately, all I want is not to disappoint the people who care and believe in me, to be able to give my parents a reason to be proud of me. And of course, to be able to buy many things, and go travelling to many countries will be nice too. :)