Thursday 2.18 PM

Feeling pissy today. Not really at anyone or anything in particular. Probably just woke up on the wrong side of the bed. Feeling lethargic and achy all over.

Just wanna get the work day over and done with, go home and get some good, proper hours of Diablo. Haven't been able to play as much as I like since Monday. Just a couple half hours here and there, and it's making me feel imbalanced. Now if this is not withdrawal, I don't know what is.

TONIGHT! THERE SHALL BE DIABLO 3. At least three solid hours of it.

What We Have

Had a discussion with my friends a couple of weeks ago regarding our personal achievements in life, and we all pretty much came to the same realisation. In the grand scheme of  life, all of us were pretty much average achievers.

The usual house, car, BABIES aside, which I think are already pretty amazing feats that most of my friends managed to achieve considering the fact that we were all silly kids with bad haircuts when we first met, none of us seemed to be able to think of anything in particular that have changed the world or inspired anyone in anyway.

But, there is nothing wrong with that, is there? The key point here is not what we have done to make the world a better place for others. Rather the important thing here is whether we are happy, or even proud, of where we are in our current place.

And after mulling over, I decided that I am, I really am. I may not be the happiest of people, but at least I am OK with the personal achievements, or so-called, that I have somehow managed to accumulate in the past almost 30 years of my life. Which I can tell you right now, is really not so bad. There are much, much worst places to be than just OK. Sometimes, just OK is definitely just fine.

I am becoming more and more convinced that the big 30 will not be as scary as I had always believed. That crazy unknown age that all girls in their 20s somehow fear, even a little, as they trudge slowly, but surely, towards. It may just be the glorious years that I have always been looking for.

Bevolved

The greater the adversity, the stronger the determined will be.

One should always view challenges as a mountain that can eventually be conquered given patience, and the willingness to try and learn from your mistakes.

No try, no learn.

Angry Birds

I really don't get it sometimes. Why are some people just so surly and annoyed all the time. Even though no one has done anything whatsoever to so much as piss that person off in any way.

Day in and out, frown, frown, and frown. Why so angry?

You don't have to be friendly to any stranger in the streets, but I am sure you can afford to be a little bit nicer to the people you see on a daily basis.

Even an innately angry person like me will always try to look at least expressionless whenever someone looks my way, so that I don't convey any kind of unpleasantness. Or at least I am trying to. I get frustration. But all the time frustrated? Why so?

Hmmm...

Amitabha

The purpose of my every day has become a sole objective to cultivate my patience, tolerance and my humility.

After all, the ultimate goal of my life is to preserve my sense of self, integrity and clarity of mind. And hopefully at the end of everything, of my life, I can say I have lived in truth.

True enlightenment is still light years away.

Tipping Over

I seem to be in some kind of internal turmoil in the past couple of days.

Certain things that I know shouldn't be bothering me is eating away at me. So I am alternating between moments of depressing over it and not giving a shit about it.

I feel like the smart, grown-up part of me is telling the fearful, self-conscious child part that never really left but simply got hidden away that everything will be fine, that whatever it is that is troubling me will not even have the tiniest importance in time to come.

If there is anything to be certain about, it will always be the consistency of change in life. There will always be people who takes pleasure in making others feel like they are worthless, but only you can decide if you truly are.

But still...

No one can be bright and cheery all the time. I get demoralised and feel beaten down too. If only people will just realise, I am really not doing so good right now. I really have no room for any one else's problems that really are just pitiful complaints that aren't really problems.

Times like these, all I want to do is to crawl up some faraway mountain and become a nun. Sounds like an excellent idea, doesn't it?