The Hardest Thing To Do

Amy Pond.

That be great.

Do you know when you should burst that bubble?

Why do people stop getting angry?

Is it because they have acceptance?

Or is it because they don't give a fuck anymore?

I don't think there is anything wrong with constructing a bubble of happiness around yourself, if the reality is really so much more unbearable.

No one wants to live in pain and misery all the time, but that's not the toughest thing.

It is the differentiating between what is real and what is not that is the real tricky part.

Sometimes not caring is only a form of defense mechanism that we put out there simply because we need that distance.

Now the question is...

Right?

Awww...

No one should be unable to function upon another's absence.

It is kinda nice though. You always forget such things exists until it presents itself to you.

When I Close My Eyes, I Can See Nothing

Thanks for the reminder!

I wasn't sure what I was supposed to expect for a second there. Again, I was provided with the answer in the most unexpected of ways.

Every day it feels a little different. I am coming to believe that this is what life is all about. Feeling a myriad of different things. Every single one fluid. Never settling, never becoming still.

Why is it so confusing?

I think that is just the way it is.

It just ain't simple for some people. Guess I am just one of them.

GDE #3

Sometimes, to keep something important to you in your life, you need to bury away a major part of yourself and present a different persona to the world.

Because the thought of losing that something is far more devastating than anything else.

"When someone makes you a better person just by being around, you do whatever it takes to keep that person in your life."

Almost But Not There

What is yours is yours.

Regardless of locality, physicality or actuality.

The mind, the spirit, the soul.

If it isn't, it isn't.

Monday!

The big three-o is fast becoming a somewhat boring age to be. Not that I am complaining. I feel extremely connected to this peace and calm that I have been enjoying for a while now.

Except when unwanted noise comes along and attempts to threaten my sense of balance.

Sometimes I really wonder what some people's brains are made of. They seemed so hellbent on behaving like toilet water. No real purpose in life until some shit comes along.

It is a constant struggle just trying to hold myself from beating the crap out of these people. Not that I would be any good in a fight, but hey, I think I can get in some sizable damage some way or another before I go down. I hope. *shrugs*

For a while now, my mind has been kinda preoccupied with this strange inkling that I have lost my sense of self somewhere along the way. Where did all the fight, the stubbornness, the gumption and the anger that I have always relied on gone to?

When I hear people tell me I have changed into a more pleasant and accommodating person, I actually get chills. Who the hell wants to be a ninny, a yes-person who does not stand up for herself? And most importantly, am I a hypocrite if I treat even the people who I dislike in the same "pleasant and accommodating" manner?

What has turning 30 done to me?

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Apparently, I am now also prone to bimbotic fits of exclamations.

I don't know man. One theory I can think of to explain is the Maslow Hierarchy of Needs, to a certain extent. For those goondus (excuse me, but I need to release the meanness somewhere, somehow) out there who have no idea what the poot Maslow Hierarchy of Needs is, please visit the good folks at Wikipedia, for an in-depth explanation.

In a nutshell though, it simply means that when all your basic needs are fulfilled, you will reach this level of self-awareness that basically makes you less inhibited and learn how to appreciate life better, hence becoming a happier and fulfilled individual.

OOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHIIIIIICCCCCCCCCCCCCCC.

Okay, now that I am somewhat on fire with this topic, I have decided to visit the good folks at Wikipedia myself for a graphical representation of the Maslow's hierarchy, also known as Maslow's Pyramid. Let's study.



Level 1: Physiological
The most basic slab of human needs. I guess with the exception of occasional constipation which is a m****f***** pain in the knnnbccunextuesday, I would say these are fulfilled to a certain acceptable level.

Level 2: Safety
Hmmm, okay all pass. Level up!

Level 3: Love/Belonging
Contrary to popular belief, this level also pass ok! I am a very adored and loved individual by a lot of people. On top of that, I have enough love for myself to qualify for this level all by itself! ;)

Level 4: Esteem
Please see level 3! NEXT!

Level 5: Self-actualization
And tadaaaaaaah! We have self-actualization, the central of all that is pleasant and accommodating and what not!

Of course I am not saying that I have already self-actualized. Please. I think only people who can eat chocolate without getting fat and have no constipation problems can be self-actualized. I am saying that at this specific point of time in my life, circumstances have somehow lined up in such a way that it is possible for me to portray traits of self-actualization.

Okay, this just made me dizzy. I stop here.

GDE #2

The worst times are the ones when you know nothing can distract you from the impossible.

The times when you are most vulnerable. Can't stop, can't control.

In your dreams.

That's when everything feels the most real, yet the most hopeless.

Poignant.