And So On...

Sometimes the way we look at the world can be vastly altered by the kind of people you have around you.

Which means a lot of things we may think we live our lives by, feelings, beliefs, opinions, is never constant.

The reason why we may feel that these cannot be easily changed is because after you reach a certain age, the people around you are probably the same few people you know since you were a kid.

I always have this problem. With different groups of friends I know from different stages of my life, I am somewhat different too. Depending on who I am with at the time, I can be the leader, the follower, the oldest, the youngest, the most positive, the most negative, the always believing, the always jaded.

I don't even set out to do it, it just happens. I don't even know why.

Oh well.

Tonight.

Slowly,
the day drags on,
Impatiently,
she waits.
Watching,
 the seconds crawl.
Anticipating,
the minute before.

She stops.

It is always that specific moment before you finally get to your heart's desires, when everything feels the most enthralling.

To Now And Beyond

Whenever people asks me not to be picky anymore so I can quickly find a man and get married, I give them a smile and simply say nothing. While I used to get all defensive, and would lecture the poor soul on why it is necessary to be more discerning on such matters, nowadays I simply give up.

Because people are annoyingly self-righteous when it comes to the necessity of a spouse, while I prefer to think of my future in a two-prong manner. One with a husband, kids, plenty of homemaking, the other where I am a single woman living an awesome life seeing the world, gaining experiences and always coming home to her five dogs.

Each has its own merits and I can definitely see myself finding joy in both.

Of course, a more normal woman would be worried sick about dying alone by now. Sure, I have my fears and insecurities. I just choose not to second guess life and destiny, which are two fundamental blocks in my entire belief system. This is my lot, and if marriage is not in the cards, it is not. I don't want to wallow in self-pity or cry over something I was not meant to have.

And most importantly, I hate to follow in my parents' footsteps.

Long story short, my mum married my dad when she was 33, mainly because a lot of people told her she needed to. Almost to the point that she felt like she did not have much of a choice. This was the 1980s, and I guess it was tougher to be a single woman over 30 then compared to now.

Suffice to say, their marriage turned out to be a nasty one, but to their credit, they stayed together for my sake and have always been wonderful parents who did their best to raise me to be a good person. From them I learnt how to believe in myself, be kind to those around me and to always switch off the lights when I am not using them.

That said, however, I always felt like they were not truly happy, and that they could have been happier if their lives turned out different. But then of course, then there would not exist the awesomeness that is me. =P

So yeah, this is the story, more or less. Not many people have the patience or the inkling to listen to get through this whole tale, and so I just give them a smile and simply said nothing.