Can I...

...really be that manipulative and hypocritical person who does not say what she really feels and just present an opinion that she knows for sure will be well-received, possibly resulting in being placed in a positive light yet feeling like a piece of crapshit because she knows that it is very, very wrong?

I don't know. I am thinking maybe I can be. If just to make life a little easier, a little simpler. It's tiring to have to pretend just to stay relevant. But maybe it's just so much easier than fighting against the current everyday just to hold on to a little bit of principle and conscience, then feeling like a broken, ragged doll at the end of the day every so often.

But I don't want to be that person. I would despise myself so much.

Reality of an adult is still something I find difficult to take in in entirety. Little wonder why I choose to immerse myself in everything remotely opposite of my own.