Or Like?

Liking someone is not easy. Loving someone is downright difficult. I don't really think that I have ever been in love with anyone before. I've had crushes, and also liked someone so seriously that I thought I would never like anyone else as much again. But love? I don't think so.

And each time I start to like someone, I feel that I am veering off further and further away from this love thing that seems to be such a big deal. I don't know if I purposely choose these impossible people to like so that eventually, it will sizzle off like a flame teethering at the end of a short candle and never turn into anything akin to love. Maybe I am just trying to wall myself up, because the worst thing that could possibly happen to me would probably be heartbreak. I can survive someone I like not liking me back, but I don't think I will ever be able to deal with having my heart broken, what with all the expectations and hopes that I have long built up together with it.

But liking someone is now turning to be extremely difficult too. I don't what it is. As time goes by, I realise that I am becoming more and more pessimistic that I will ever find true love. Each time I start to like someone, I would believe that this is it, but everytime reality proves otherwise, I get more and more disillusioned about it ever happening to me.

It's like I will first build it up to become this perfect little sandcastle, then crash it myself because I know it will never come true. Then I will retreat back into my shell again, hoping that the next sandcastle will become the fairytale come true for me.

I wonder if the day will come when I suddenly find that I no longer believe in it anymore. What will happen then?

"I feel like scratching my skin away and let my feelings for you come to the surface, so that you can see it. That is how much I like you at this exact moment. But I am not sure how long this feeling will last. Will I still feel the same about you at this exact time next year?" - Hensen Moer

-_- Again

2006 is almost over. Yaay. -_-

I like year-ends, but I think I hate it more. It's kinda like having nice hair, but hating the way it's cut. Getting OLDER aside, I think year-ends make people wistful, and I don't like being wistful. Imagine a person like me being wistful, it's kinda disgusting, no?

I think that certain things that I have been putting off for a while is now ready to be dealt with. Someone once told me that if there is something that I cannot solve right away, I should just put it away, let time give me some perspective. And when I am ready, I can take it out again and deal with it. Well, I am not sure if this is the right time, but I am sure that I can deal with it now.

Or can I?

Self-doubt and uncertainty once again rears its ugly head. I am no good at such things, am I? Maybe some divine help from above?

"If you think about something long enough, it becomes the only thing you will ever think about."

-_-

Eeeeee, I am so torn!!! If I let my feelings interfere and get in the way, I will probably lose a friend. But I cannot help but feel like voicing out how I feel. It's so difficult to keep certain things under your skin and not let it affect you, when it's just struggling to spill out.

Arrgh!!!! So irritating!!!

I wish he can see me the way I see him.
But where I stand,
Nothing but air to him.

Lalala

It's very challenging to try to blog in class, with a stupid old hag constantly nagging in my face.

Current thought is as such. And why do I have to blog in class? Because I don't have internet connection at home. YOU KNOW HOW DIFFICULT THAT IS? I CANNOT EVEN WATCH THE NEXT INSTALLMENT OF MY TIGER BEER ADVERTISEMENT!!! DO YOU KNOW HOW SERIOUS THAT IS IN MY CULTURE???

NB!!!! NB!!!!

I have long heard that Starhub's customer service is no good, but I never had more than a long wait on their hotline. Other than that, it was still satisfactory. But now, NOOOOOOOOO!!!! Upon 10, I probably only give them a 5.5. And I would have failed them if not for the extremely pleasant and helpful customer service officer (CSO) I spoke to yesterday.

First off, when I called in on Thursday morning at around 10 plus after realising the internet was down, after a long wait (what else?) I was told by the CSO that he have to transfer me to the technical department, but as they had "high call volume", I would have to wait for a return call. I was alright with waiting, but I need to go out, so I told them to give me a call back at 3pm.

3 pm, I was in front of the computer, still down, no call, so I tried calling in. But as usual, they had "high call volume" and I waited for around half an hour and got sick of waiting. And guess what time they called me back? 5 pm. I asked them for the reason they called me back 2 hours late, and again the reason given was "high call volume". I am beginning to get really pissed at with these 3 words.

Anyway, I told the "technician" my problem, and how did she help me? Ask me to on and off my computer and my modem at least three times. HELLO??? Do I look like a new customer? I know all about the on/off procedure that Maxonline is so famous for. Even my parents know about this, but it's just not working. First time she tells me to do it, I am fine with it. But when she keeps telling me to do it, I just feel like she thinks that I am an idiot. Do I sound like an idiot who don't know how to on/off a computer properly?

Afterwhich, she told me that she did not know what is wrong with my connection and that she will have to ask the "backend" to monitor it, and someone would call me back. And of course, no one did and I had to call in again yesterday after a half an hour wait, and finally a technician was arranged to come in today to take a look.

This whole experience has been extremely irritating and frustrating. As a lot of people knows, I cannot live without an internet connection, and it's just plain fucking irritating that I have to go on 48 hours with no connection just because no one can tell me what the hell is going on with my connection!!!

Arrgh!!!! They better fix it today or I am just going to explode.

Ok, end of story. I am quite tired.

Here, here Kiddies

I suppose I should update. For the sake of all my fans out there who loves and adores me. Being an active blogger is tiring stuff, know. Not an excuse, I am just saying. :D

Christmas is coming! For all the concern kiddies out there, I am working on Christmas Day!!! Oh the joy. I will be working at the Garden Fest thing at Suntec, so feel free to send all turkeys, presents, ham, monetary donations that way.

I cannot believe that 2006 is almost over. Where did the time go? 2006, I shall miss you. It's been an interesting year.

Before I end this short excuse of a post, just feel like reflecting on something. There are times when there's something you used to want, but no longer want, but when others wants it, you feel ... Such is the selfishness of human nature.