Or Like?

Liking someone is not easy. Loving someone is downright difficult. I don't really think that I have ever been in love with anyone before. I've had crushes, and also liked someone so seriously that I thought I would never like anyone else as much again. But love? I don't think so.

And each time I start to like someone, I feel that I am veering off further and further away from this love thing that seems to be such a big deal. I don't know if I purposely choose these impossible people to like so that eventually, it will sizzle off like a flame teethering at the end of a short candle and never turn into anything akin to love. Maybe I am just trying to wall myself up, because the worst thing that could possibly happen to me would probably be heartbreak. I can survive someone I like not liking me back, but I don't think I will ever be able to deal with having my heart broken, what with all the expectations and hopes that I have long built up together with it.

But liking someone is now turning to be extremely difficult too. I don't what it is. As time goes by, I realise that I am becoming more and more pessimistic that I will ever find true love. Each time I start to like someone, I would believe that this is it, but everytime reality proves otherwise, I get more and more disillusioned about it ever happening to me.

It's like I will first build it up to become this perfect little sandcastle, then crash it myself because I know it will never come true. Then I will retreat back into my shell again, hoping that the next sandcastle will become the fairytale come true for me.

I wonder if the day will come when I suddenly find that I no longer believe in it anymore. What will happen then?

"I feel like scratching my skin away and let my feelings for you come to the surface, so that you can see it. That is how much I like you at this exact moment. But I am not sure how long this feeling will last. Will I still feel the same about you at this exact time next year?" - Hensen Moer