For A Very Dear Friend
Today I went to one of my Pinkie's blog (neh! The one who just got married loh!) and read the entry she wrote for her husband. And I suddenly felt like the worst person in the world.
Because ever since I knew that she was getting married, although I was happy for her, I couldn't feel real happiness because of my own problems with Mr Rainbow. And I also realised that I slowly became unable to talk to her about these problems. And I felt really bad for that, because she is one of my most cherished friends, and we have been through alot together. I could tell her anything because she will never judge me no matter how wrong I was.
I remembered when I was crazy about Caucasians, she encouraged me to go for it if that was what really makes me happy. There was also a time when I was crazy about a guy who is married. She not only did not judged me, she said that even if I were to have an affair with the guy, she would understand because I was just trying to search for my own happiness (and I did not, of course! I very moral one hor!).
And once when I left home without any money because I quarrelled with my parents, she asked me to go to her place, paid for my cab, and even switched off the lights for me when I fell asleep in her bed.
Such is the good friend that she is. All through the 12 years we have known each other, she had never let me down in anyway. All these and countless memories that made her one of my very best friends, and I couldn't even feel truly happy for her when I heard that she was getting married.
Because I felt that such fairytales only happen to perfect girls like her (yes, to me, you are perfect, my dear friend). Finding a wonderful husband who cherishes and dotes on her will never happen to girls like me. And yes, I was jealous. I was not only not in the same place, I was so damn far away from it, I couldn't see shit of it.
And to me, I felt that I couldn't really talk to her about such things anymore. How could a girl who is so miserable from a non-relationship talk to a girl who is going to be happily married? How could a girl who is becoming disillusioned about love say that to a friend who is the exact opposite? I don't want any of the negativity to touch what would be her happy occasion, and so I chose to just turn to others while she bask in her happiness.
And now I feel bad, because I should have known better.
And so, my dear Chuyun, Pristine aka Mdm Wong, I am really sorry. I could have just gone by my life without ever letting you know, but I cannot do that, because you are someone who I want to know everything about me. Remember during the reunion dinner, you asked me why I was so quiet? I wanted to tell you, but I just don't know what to say and how to start.
And I really appreciate you walking with me to Marina Square on your hen night, although it was a decoy, a lot of things I told you were heartfelt. I actually felt like I haven't talked to you like that for a very long time. I am really very grateful for that (even though I managed to bluff you! Neh neh ni boo boo!)
I also want to say that, seeing the PERFECT example that you and Danny set, it makes me want to still believe in love afterall. And that is something that I am thankful for. For showing me that there is really true love in this world.
But the thing I am most thankful for is your friendship. I don't know what I will do without you! I think our friendship started on the day I pulled down your shorts! If can do until like that, still friends, that means you are a keeper! Haha!
PS: And hor and hor, I really felt happy for you on your ROM de hor. I even shed 了一滴感动的眼泪! Really really! Or maybe just too excited because of the buffet? ;P
Because ever since I knew that she was getting married, although I was happy for her, I couldn't feel real happiness because of my own problems with Mr Rainbow. And I also realised that I slowly became unable to talk to her about these problems. And I felt really bad for that, because she is one of my most cherished friends, and we have been through alot together. I could tell her anything because she will never judge me no matter how wrong I was.
I remembered when I was crazy about Caucasians, she encouraged me to go for it if that was what really makes me happy. There was also a time when I was crazy about a guy who is married. She not only did not judged me, she said that even if I were to have an affair with the guy, she would understand because I was just trying to search for my own happiness (and I did not, of course! I very moral one hor!).
And once when I left home without any money because I quarrelled with my parents, she asked me to go to her place, paid for my cab, and even switched off the lights for me when I fell asleep in her bed.
Such is the good friend that she is. All through the 12 years we have known each other, she had never let me down in anyway. All these and countless memories that made her one of my very best friends, and I couldn't even feel truly happy for her when I heard that she was getting married.
Because I felt that such fairytales only happen to perfect girls like her (yes, to me, you are perfect, my dear friend). Finding a wonderful husband who cherishes and dotes on her will never happen to girls like me. And yes, I was jealous. I was not only not in the same place, I was so damn far away from it, I couldn't see shit of it.
And to me, I felt that I couldn't really talk to her about such things anymore. How could a girl who is so miserable from a non-relationship talk to a girl who is going to be happily married? How could a girl who is becoming disillusioned about love say that to a friend who is the exact opposite? I don't want any of the negativity to touch what would be her happy occasion, and so I chose to just turn to others while she bask in her happiness.
And now I feel bad, because I should have known better.
And so, my dear Chuyun, Pristine aka Mdm Wong, I am really sorry. I could have just gone by my life without ever letting you know, but I cannot do that, because you are someone who I want to know everything about me. Remember during the reunion dinner, you asked me why I was so quiet? I wanted to tell you, but I just don't know what to say and how to start.
And I really appreciate you walking with me to Marina Square on your hen night, although it was a decoy, a lot of things I told you were heartfelt. I actually felt like I haven't talked to you like that for a very long time. I am really very grateful for that (even though I managed to bluff you! Neh neh ni boo boo!)
I also want to say that, seeing the PERFECT example that you and Danny set, it makes me want to still believe in love afterall. And that is something that I am thankful for. For showing me that there is really true love in this world.
But the thing I am most thankful for is your friendship. I don't know what I will do without you! I think our friendship started on the day I pulled down your shorts! If can do until like that, still friends, that means you are a keeper! Haha!
PS: And hor and hor, I really felt happy for you on your ROM de hor. I even shed 了一滴感动的眼泪! Really really! Or maybe just too excited because of the buffet? ;P
posted by Keiia at 2:45 AM
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