Attuned

Hello!!! How's everyone doing?

I finally cleared the air with a friend, and it seems like things are alright after all.

I also found how much of a bitch a so-called "friend" can be. I am not even worried that she will read this and call me out or whatever shit.

She said stuffs that she shouldn't have, things that were told to her in confidence, both sides, and added her own little twists to it along the way. She made both of us thought that the situation was really bad. And worst, both of us were waiting for things to explode in our face, not daring to take the first step.

Sheesh, breaks your heart, doesn't it? Whatever, I'm not that close with her anyway.

With all these stress on my shoulders, add to the assignments and exams coming up, I've been having bouts of stomach upsets since yesterday. And today, diarrhoea. Cheonging toilet since this morning, but better now after some weird tablets my Mama gave me. My Mummy's so smart!

Ha, people who’ve seen me the past couple of days, don’t ask me why I don’t look like I was under stress at all. I am good at SEGMENTATION. And I have another rather stressful problem at hand.

Whatever it is, I am glad that this whole thing is over. And one more thing I want to say to someone.

Fucking stay out of my life, bitch. If you even try to mess with my life and my friends again, I won’t let it go easy like this time. If you dare, call me out now. We'll see how fast your sleazy, fucking tale-carrying mouth can come up with explanations.

Nothing

Still nothing. Think he's really pissed off this time. Or maybe just too much on his mind. What should I do? What can I do? Nothing.

I thought for a while before I decided to sent out this entry. Feels so stupid, yet I feel that it has to be done. Thoughts hidden in your mind cannot be read. Who will know what the hell is going on inside there? So there. If it seems stupid and crazy, it's fine. Get it off my chest. No one who doesn't knows anything can judge me, because they know shit. Now the waiting begins.

Feeling so down now. The song's appropriate. I never knew that my simple life can be so much complicated. Just want to get some stuffs that's been on my mind out. I know you will read this.

Why din't you say something? Does it mean that if it's a no, then it's nothing at all? Am I not your friend? You've been there for me before, can I at least do the same for you? You asked me before why I say sorry when I seemed bent on hurting you. But it's not something that I choose to do. I cannot make myself into what I am not. If I choose to do that, then I Won't be me anymore. Do you want someone who is not even herself?

My memories of what we used to be is something that I cannot stop regretting about. I know it's my fault to put you in such a position in the first place? I am sorry. I am so sorry. But I cannot make myself into what I am not. Sometimes, I really think that your life would have been so much different, if you haven't known me. Less hurt probably.

I really do care. I am not some heartless bitch who hurts people and laughs about it. I am your friend. Don't suffer alone, and let someone else share your burden for once. Not saying that it should be me, but at least let me be there for once. Like you have always done for me.

I am your friend. Regardless.

I don't need a clown, I don't need a teddy bear.
I don't need a standing ground.
But just for once, let me be all of these things.
Without all the other complications.
This is my offer.
Will you take it?

SIM Library = FREE INTERNET

Lalalala... Sitting in the SIM library now like a stupid idiot. Come school so early for what? Think I want? No choice wor.

I want to complain about some weird Malaysian OLD BITCH yesterday who called the hotline. She said she cannot hear me and asked me to SPEAK LOUDER, and when I did, she told me to STOP SHOUTING AT HER. STUPID OLD BITCH, GO TO HELL!!!

Ahhh, that feels better.

Stupid bitch. The thing about some people is that they feel like the whole world has to bow to them and lick their toes, and that other people are not humans. These people better watch out, someday, someone will cut their toes off. Maybe cook with sambal. Muaahahahaha.

Okay, enough of the sadist musings. Gosh! Only 3rd days ofr Public Relations and my head is about to burst! I have ZERO time to study Psychology at all!!!! LACKING BEHIND!!! AAAAAAAAAHHHHHH. *Panic* *PANIC*

That said, I do feel that PR is a much more interesting topic than Journalism Skills. Haha.

Anyway, hopefully I can get in some quality reading time next week. I should really stop working. Sigh~~~~~

I Don't Join Fanclubs

Why? I have no idea? I like being a fan. I might not be a fan of screaming and running after idols like a crazy woman, but I still enjoy the experience of being a fan. Nothing like being struck dumb in the presence of the person who you think is THE KING. Bahaha.

Why not join a fanclub, and consolidate my fandomship. Several reasons.

a) I can never idolise a lot of people for more than a few months.
b) The ones that I do idolise for more than a few months do not have local fanclubs.
c) The ones that I do idolise for more than a few months and have local fanclubs, well, I don't feel like joining.

Bahaha! The thing is, I am too old to be running around after buses, possibly getting knock down by the taxi coming up behind, and screaming my head off. I can't scream anyway, something with my vocal tracts or some shit...

Anyhooooo, I think I'm well past that age. I regret not having such an experience when I was younger and did not know better. Now, it's toooooo late. I DO know better. Sigh~~~~~

To be honest, fanclubs scare me. You have no idea how loud and shrieky they can be. Try being caught in the middle of a group of fans. Don't think I don't know what I am talking about. I do, I FARKING DO!!! So scary, so scary. SOB SOB SOB!!! -goes hysterical at the memory-

Anyway, so that's why I don't want to join a fanclub. Even though I may have certain "lusting desires" to do so. Bahaha.

Bahaha, just in case you find this post nonsensical. It's the best I can do in trying to keep my blog up to date. Haha.

Scrambled Brains Anyone?

My brains are fried. I can’t study. Zero information retaining ability. Why is that so? I can’t seem to go to exams without experiencing panic. I don’t know why.

I used to be able to at least study a little, and pass my exams. What happened? Have I been bumming around for too long?

Are my brains permanently damaged from watching too much anime?

I need help.

It’s just Journalism Skills. Just writing. Why is it so hard to me?

Not doing so well in Literature either. Don’t get me started on Psychology. I think my brains are about to explode. What is happening to me? Why can’t I study?

Arrrgh…

In other news, I finally confirmed the fact that Rain does not speak a lot of English. He could probably speak a few words very well, but that’s it. Hmm, how am I suppose to talk to him if he doesn’t speaks English?

Fine! I shall learn Sign Language.

See? Told you my brains are fried.

...

Wau lau!!! Rain's new song, Slowly, is about DOING IT, SLOWLY. Gosh, is he trying to kill all the girls?

Like he is NOT HOT ENOUGH!!! He has to go do this. Seriously, I hate him. I HATE HIM!!!

Hopefully I can sleep tonight.

Your feelings for me were only so much
What else could I say to you?
I did not want to plead with you
What good would it do?
When all I had were shreds of treaded dreams
And perhaps a little pride and dignity.
We once dreamt the same dreams
Saw the same future
But all I have now are tormenting regrets.
Wishing I could carve that moment away from time.
The very last thing I said to you
The very last thing I still want to say to you
Is that I will never forget
Even after all these years.

Chambito!

Usu everyone!!! What a hectic week! Gosh, been shuttering between home-school-work and back home again. Finally have a little off time today to drop in an entry and maybe do some net surfing and anime-watching later.

If this goes on, Ill probably look like a teapot very soon. I am a teapot, short and stout. Why is it that whenever I feel exhausted and stressed out, I feel shorter than I really am?

Anyway, I am having a good time studying at MDIS so far, made some new friends who are really interesting and fun. There are a lot of people from different parts of Asia, like China, Philippines, Indonesia, Vietnam; it’s just a big melting pot of different nationalities.

I was quite worried at first about not being able to fit in, but I think I really worried for nothing. There are so many nice people in my class. Looking forward to the US trip next year!

Oh, oh, oh MY GAWD!!! RUMOURS SAY THAT RAIN IS COMING TO SINGAPORE. -gallops around like a mad deer- RAIN IS COMING!!! RAIN IS COMING!!! Okay, so he MIGHT be coming. I am so excited. He better seriously get his crap here to Singapore, I can just see myself standing in audience singing along to his songs already!!!

Woohoo!!!

I know, I know, it’s just a might and maybe, but still… People are great because of DREAMS! Woot!!!

PS: Phone still not fixed. DAMN! I should never have switched from Nokia!!!