Macau Macau!!!

One more week to Macau!!! Woohoo!!! The long-awaited holiday is almost here!

I think I am in dire need of a loooooonnnng break! Not that my current life is all that bad, but there is a fair amount of stress and worry.

I always feel so revitalised after a holiday, and I am sure this time will be no different.

EXCITED SIA!!! Next week, this time, IT'S MACAU BABY MACAU!!!

Yeah, I need to get out of my euphoric state, because I still have my PEAF exam tomorrow. Sigh, American history and politics. Bleh! I am so not a memorising kind of person. >_<

But hey, it's okay, because MACAU, WA AI LAI LIAO LAR! =D =D

Life Will Only Be Beautiful If You Let It

The realisation that people are actually worried about me is kinda a wake-up call. Can't help but start to wonder what I am doing, really.

Sometimes I forget that people are used to seeing me strong and happy, and that they have come to count on it.

I like being that pillar of support for the people I care about who needs it. And that is what I want to focus on right now.

Moreen can never be unhappy for long and Moreen will always be there. So my dear friends, don't worry.

I will be okay very soon, I promise. =D

Hangover's A Bitch

For reasons unknown, I managed to get drunk yesterday. I don't even remember drinking all that much. But then I am a lousy drinker, that's why I try not to drink. Apparently though, yesterday was an exception. There goes my resolution of never getting drunk in a public place ever again.

I can actually remember doing and saying certain things. BUT THE WORSE THING IS I DON'T REMEMBER A LOT OF IT TOO!!!

Sigh.

I am getting sick of myself, of the way I feel and my inability to sort things out without troubling other people.

Farking hell. Me, of all people! Whatever happened to the person who does not let anything get to her? Has she died and left behind a neurotic, incapable mess? Baaaah!!!

I am fast discovering a side to me that I have never seen before, and to be honest, I hate it! Maybe it's just a phase that everyone goes through, and I will get over it soon.

I am trying really hard to just appreciate the happiness that I can get, and suppress the irrational sadness that attempts to overwhelm me recently.

I hope it's not too late. And I hope that it will be enough.

Feeling Like I Am Drowning

Somehow it was really hard for me to start writing this entry. I have attempted to start this entry for the past couple of days. But somehow it always gets shelved. And tossed away somewhere.

And now I am just plain tired of trying not to think about it and pushing it aside, or not daring to blog about it because I am afraid somehow he will know. When all I really want to do is scream to his face

I AM FUCKING MISERABLE BECAUSE OF YOU!

I know that it is not his fault that I am miserable. I talk to my friends about it, and they all kinda agree that it's not his fault. It's just my innate nature of worrying and thinking too much.

WTF??!!?? It's always me, me, me, me. I am irrational, unhappy, angry and jealous. Something that I promised myself a long time ago that I will never become.

Although there are a lot of times when he makes me laugh, and I can feel this real sense of genuine happiness, somehow I know that it’s incomplete. And that maybe it never will be.

What am I doing really? I seriously need to get it together. Somehow I feel that the silver lining is just right in front of me. It’s just a matter of choice.

This is something that I really have to figure out before I really lose track of who I am and what I really want.

Let Me Go

One more kiss could be the best thing
But one more lie could be the worst
And all these thoughts are never resting
And you're not something I deserve

In my head there's only you now
This world falls on me
In this world there's real and make believe
And this seems real to me

You love me but you don't know who I am
I'm torn between this life I lead and where I stand
And you love me but you don't know who I am
So let me go
Let me go

I dream ahead to what I hope for
And I turn my back on loving you
How can this love be a good thing
When I know what I'm going through

In my head there's only you now
This world falls on me
In this world there's real and make believe
And this seems real to me

You love me but you don't know who I am
I'm torn between this life I lead and where I stand
You love me but you don't know who I am
So let me go
Just let me go
Let me go

And no matter how hard I try
I can't escape these things inside I know
I knowww..
When all the pieces fall apart
You will be the only one who knows
Who knows

You love me but you don't know who I am
I'm torn between this life I lead and where I stand
And you love me but you don't know Who I am
So let me go
Just let me go

And you love me but you don't
You love me but you don't
You love me but you don't know who I am
And you love me but you don't
You love me but you don't
You love me but you don't know me

It's been a damn long time since I heard a song that captures and depicts my feelings so well. It's about farking time."

That Place By The Water That Calls To Me 2

This is the view that I was talking about in my last entry. Click on the images if you want to see a bigger picture. =D

That Place By The Water That Calls To Me

I took a walk by the waterfront behind the Indoor Stadium today while on my dinner break today.

Sometimes, you just never realise how breathtaking a place you are so familiar with can be, until you actually sit down and take a good look at it.

It is a view that I have seen plenty of times in the past three years I have been working at the Indoor Stadium. But today, it seems like something in the distant horizon of buildings, the myriad of clouds splashed across the sky, coupled with the occasional soft breeze did something to me. I can almost feel my wrangled mind untangled itself slowly, bit by bit. That feeling of calm that washes over me.

I think everything will be okay very soon.

Rain

Haven't really been myself this past week. I apologise to anyone who I might have snapped at, ignored or was just weird towards.

I guess all the stress and worry is really getting to me. I can't seem to get myself together. My moods are so erratic that I don't even know how to control them. This is really bad because I am very, very good at controlling my moods. Nowadays, all I can say is "I don't know why."

And I really don't. I hope things will change soon. I cannot stand being like this.

I wrote this simple poem in March, when I was having a short downtime. And although things seem to be worse now, reading the poem really makes me feel better. And I hope things will change soon, just as it did in March.

A Poem Entitled 'Rain'
Rain
The soft falling Rain
I confide in you
All my efforts were in vain

Rain
The healing Rain
Mend what's broken
Extinguish the pain

Rain
The purging Rain
Cleanse my soul
Wash away the stain

Rain
The all-seeing Rain
I pray to you
Please help me break this chain

Not A Happy Post

The week is almost over! And my PR exam and assignment due date is next week! Drats!

I hate this feeling when you have not really rested enough and the next exam comes. Of course, for me, there will never be enough rest.

Sigh...

Trying my best not to think about certain things, but at the same time, trying to think these same things through. I think it is taking its toil on me. I don't know when I will reach my breaking point.

It's so difficult to let go of certain things when you are happy with the way things are, yet at the same time, you are just so afraid that it will change, and so you want to do something about it first.

Frustrating! Baaah! >_<

A Beautiful Sunday

I was really down for no reason on Friday. One of those downtimes when I just felt like shit. But it all kinda dissipated on Saturday. Thank goodness, because I hate being in one of my SOD moods.

Anyway, I went out on Saturday, had dinner and watched Knocked Up. It was nice. I never really imagined being that comfortable around a guy that I can go out with him alone, and don't feel any awkwardness at all.

It's really, really kinda nice. =)

Oh, and the movie is really funny, except for that one scene that might just kill my enthusiasm to have kids for the rest of my life. But overall, it was good. Watch it.

I just made some spaghetti sauce! It’s simmering in the rice-cooker now. And my hand smells like meat. I tried out something new, adding an assortment of mushrooms, portobello, white button and this brown Crimini mushroom instead of my usual canned ones. I don't know how it will turn out. Hopefully nice, because I am a mushroom nut. Anything with mushrooms, I will try. Kinda weird since I hate mushrooms as a kid.

I was just looking through the internet and there are actually kits that you can buy to grow fresh mushrooms like shitake or oyster mushrooms at home. Wonder if it’s possible in Singapore. Not that I am looking to cultivate anything, I am a blardy lazy bum.

Okay, now I can smell the spaghetti sauce. Time to go stir! Stir stir stir! =D

想

我们是什么？
一定要说清楚吗？
也许就只能一直这样，
才不会不快乐，
也不会有伤害。
可是就是想...

Yes, I Am Bragging How Popular I Am And How I Have A Lot Of Friends Again.

My friend, Spencer told me that his sister actually reads my blog. It's always nice to know that someone reads my ramblings. Hehheh. HELLO MONG JIE JIE! :D

Anyway, I went shopping today! In heels! I am trying very hard to wear in this new pair of heels because I broke my last pair. All girls must at least have a pair of heels for emergency dress-up occasions, like weddings, erm, important dinners, erm, etc, etc.

So I was actually wearing it around at home, until Mima chut warning say that I better stop wearing heels in the house or she will make me pay for new floors tiles. -_- How nice to have such a uber understanding Mother.

So I chose to wear it out today. And WTF loh! My feet has 3 blisters now loh! Baaah! Blardy hell heels! If I am Queen of the World, I would dictate that ALL HEELS BE ABOLISHED! Ahh, the anguish cries of women around the World can be heard.

Anyhoo, I actually bought something today! I bought a top which I quite like, a small bag that my friends said is nice but which I think I might never get to use because it is so blardy hell small. And erm, what else did I buy? Hmmm, I think that's it!

So much for shopping. I am never a shopping kind of person, okay? For me it's just go, get it, get out. I hate walking around looking for things to buy. I don't mind accompanying friends for shopping, but ONLY if that friend is someone who I can enjoy walking around, talking crap with for a few hours. Yeah, a girl who hates shopping, cannot get any better than that. =D

But overall, today was fun. I shopped with Davina for the first half of the day, then met Lydia for dinner at the Glass House Fish & Co., then we walked back to Far East so I can collect the skirt I sent for alterations. Yes, I own skirts, cannot arh? Then after that, we ended up at Coffee Bean chit-chatting, my favourite activity.

Keke, I just enjoy these meetups with my friends so much. I can laugh for no apparent reason and just say anything that comes to mind. And to have not only one group but several group of friends which I am so comfortable with, again I just feel so lucky.

One of my favourite quotes about friends is:
"Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born." - Anais Nin

And I am truly grateful for all the Worlds that my friends have brought out from me.