Sleepless In Singapore

A lot of thoughts are running through my mind again. Sigh. I hate being a state of mind like that.

I can't sleep!

Don't really want to talk about this with anyone. I am only good at putting into writing rather than vocalising such things anyway. So I guess blogging is the best form of outlet I have right now.

Sigh. I am really trying to fight all my natural instincts and just do the right thing. I chose to throw the stone and cause that ripple in what was already stillwater. So why am I feeling trepidation? Some sort of fear that maybe whatever it is, I have already done all I can, and it's just no use because it is really too late?

Maybe the idea of the possibility of something can be done just gives a person more strength to move forward, as compared to the sinking feeling that all there is left to do is just to walk away?

I am not crushed about it anymore, and the acceptance has been there for quite a while too. But I just hate the feeling of having regrets. Of what could have been done differently. I dwell too much, I know. I can't stop it even if my life depends on it.

I just want back that happy and comfortable feeling again. Is that really impossible? Or am I just too impatient? I keep reminding myself "small baby steps" and "no more nitpicking". But I don't know if I can stop myself from losing control or not. I hope I have it in me.

I am just so tired of swimming against the tide. Some help right now would be wonderful.

I really wonder what the future brings.

Sigh, okay, I do feel better now after vomitting out some of the bothersome thoughts. Now I can sleep.