There's Something About Love

Had a nice chat with cousin Jenny over dinner yesterday. We mainly talked about love and relationships, and for the first time in a long time, I actually enjoyed talking about this subject without feeling miserable or sad.

It's a nice feeling. I think I am moving along quite nicely. I guess previously I was forcing myself to move on, so that I can stop being sad that things were not working out the way I hoped. But I am more accepting of my feelings as they are now.

Of course, I can't say that I am entirely over Mr RB yet. But at least I am slowly learning not to fret about them anymore. I am not entirely there yet, but such things takes time, so I am not too concerned.

Maybe from time to time, that melancholy why it did not work out would still come to me, but perhaps, we all feel that way from time to time over things that we really want, that matters to us.

So do I still believe in fairy tales, being swept off my feet, and happily ever after? I am not too sure myself. I am seeing a lot of relationships broken for a variety of reasons recently. And although growing up, I have never seen much actual proof of true love, I wasn't a skeptic either.

I believe that true love does exist. But where I stand in the grand scheme of things, I have absolutely no idea. Will I become a lucky woman who eventually finds the love of her life and have the happy ending that she has always wanted? Or will I be the unlucky one who searches her whole life for true love and still ends up short?

Everything is a risk, I guess. Sometimes it is whether you have the guts to take the plunge and whether you can take the results it presents.

For quite a while now, I had been rather resolute in never wanting to get married, although I do talk about how I want my weddings to be and stuffs like that. The reason being that none of the women in my family have happy marriages, and none of the men are entirely faultless husbands. It kinda killed my image of a perfect marriage. I want to be with someone I love, but marriage is something I am not entirely convinced that I need.

However, attending my poly classmate DW's wedding dinner on Saturday, I realised that I do, I do want to get married someday.

It doesn't have to be a grand or damn beautiful wedding, but as long as I can celebrate being with the person that I love, with all my dearest friends around me, it would be the best wedding in the world for me.

So I guess, that's it. I do want to get married. And perhaps, it is realisations like these that makes it easier to be okay with the fact that maybe the person you really like right now, is not the one for you. Because you know that he is not going to be the one standing at the altar saying the two little words that means so much, with you.