Nothing

Sometimes, I feel like I don't really know what is happening, where I am headed, what the hell I am doing with my life.

I used to have so many dreams, ambitions and things that I want to achieve.

I still have them. But it seems as if I am getting further and further away from them each and everyday. It feels like most of the time I am just living my life in a daze, waiting for each day to speed past so that the next can come along.

I see some of my friends living the exact life that I don't want for myself, a secure, safe, but structured life, and I see myself heading exactly the same way. I don't want that. I want unpredictability, excitement, not knowing what the next day brings, being scared shitless for no apparent reason one moment then laughing like a crazy person the next.

Yet, this is not what I want.

I don't even know what I want.

I want to see the World, but I want the safety of home.

I want to experience new things, but I don't want any changes.

I want to be someone who can weather anything, but I cannot take any hardships.

I want to be happy being who I am, yet I lust after the riches and the fame.

I am a piece of shit. A useless piece of shit.

If I die now and whoever I meet after that asks me what I have done in my life that deserves any merit at all. I have nothing.

Fuck it, I am nothing.