YEAH!

Just when I was wondering if the results will NEVER COME, I spied the letter on the living table.

Haiyoh! How long has it been sitting there? Usually my Mum will put all my letters on my table, but don't know why this particular one, she just left it there, like it's no big deal. Of course she wouldn't know, but it's big deal to me! To think I was fretting about it all this while!

It was quite a scary experience, okay? Opening a letter like that at 3 a.m. in the morning. Ghost also not so scary! I think my heart pump until no more blood already, can? But I told myself, CANNOT BE! I NOT SO SUAY! And I opened it!

WOOWEE!!! RESULTS ARE NEGATIVE!!!

The past few weeks of worrying was for NAUGHT! I am in the clear!!!

I am so euphoric right now loh. I know most people would never expect themselves to have any form of life-threatening disease, but it was a genuine scare, okay?

Alright, time for some explanations. A few months ago, think January, I felt something lumpy in my right breast, and it kinda never went away. So being quite kiasee, I went to this STUPID-USELESS-DON'T-KNOW-TO-DIAGNOSE-PROPERLY clinic and asked the doctor for advise. I don't know if the doctor is incompetent, likes to scare people that they may be dying, or she just want to play safe, but she referred me to take a mammogram.

For someone hoping that the doctor will tell her that it's nothing, it was quite a terrible feeling. Sigh... I think I will remember that dread for the rest of my life.

And the mammogram was a HORRIBLE experience! I don't even want to describe, it was just horrible. Sigh, but I think all women should have regular checks. Although now it seems like a silly hypochondriac experience, but I really couldn’t stop thinking about it for the past few weeks.

I am not someone who likes to scare myself. I am usually quite optimistic that I will live forever. But now I know why some people always think that they are going to die.

When it's with something like that, you really cannot help but think of the worst. I kept thinking about what would happen if I really have breast cancer. What if it's not benign? What would happen to my parents? What would happen to my life? What if all my hair falls off? *HORROR* NOT MY HAIR!!!

I never really told a lot of people, just some of my Pinkies, because I don't want people to think I siao. Sometimes I can get very reluctant to talk about things that really bothers or scares me. I also didn't know what I will do if I really have breast cancer, so I tried my best to shove it off my mind. It's really a terrible disease.

I think I should really start looking after my health. I have been trying to eat healthier and exercise more, since it first hit me that I may have been taking my health for granted all this while. And I really think I want to go for more checks every year just to make sure nothing is wrong with my body. But mammograms, hmmm... Not sure I want to go through the same experience again, but it's worth it if we can detect any illness early.

Well, I guess gone is that particular piece of dark cloud hovering over me now. One less thing to fret about now. YEAH!