Make Me Scarlett!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

As I have stated before on Oct 27th, 2006 at 1.50 am, Scarlett Johansson is so damn lucky! And I am so freaking jealous of her!

In fact, I think I really hate her now. How can any woman be so blessed?

Not only had she been in movies with Eric Bana, Hugh Jackman AND Christian Bale (Ah Baaaaaaleeeee), AND WAS IN CLOSE PROXIMITY WITH ALL OF THEM, she is in Iron Man 2 with RDJ now too? That's like ALL of my favourite actors!!! Who had all, I feel the need to point out, been a superhero at one point or another of their careers.

On top of all these, she also gets to sleep with Ryan Reynolds on a regular basis??!!??

YOU! YOU LUCKY BITCH! You and all 5'4 of your pretty hair, gorgeous face and jaw-dropping body (did you see her boobs in He Is Just Not That Into You???). I HATE YOU.

And the kicker here is, she is actually a decent actress. A very good one in fact, who will have many years of accolades ahead of her. Not fluff and nonsense like most of the actresses her age.

I liked her since Girl With A Pearl Earring and personally preferred her to Natalie Portman in The Other Boleyn Girl (I know man, I watch such intelligent movies, don't I?). Although she don't always score the greatest scripts, like that Spirit movie that sounded like such a good idea but was kinda crappy, I think she usually does a pretty good job. Am I the only one who thinks she was the only interesting character in The Spirit?

And she is a year younger than me! Okay, now I hate her even more!!! Bugger!

In other news, I still love IMDB! It is still as awesome as the day I discovered it when I was but merely a budding youngling bumbling her way around the WWW. This was back in the days when people don't even know how to pronounce "Google", much less use it to "Wiki", also unpronounceable (huh?), anything.

Anywhoo, I love IMDB because thanks to it, I now know that I can expect to catch Iron Man the Second, and that damnluckybitchIhateyooousooomuch, in the cinemas around April or so!

Excellent!

And is it just me or did RDJ step up a notch in preparing himself for the role?

Let's compare. Here's a picture of Iron Man the first:


"If I frown just enough, they won't know that I don't know wtf I am supposed to do with this thing."

Not too bad, not too bad. Nice muscle definition. Adequate look of concentration too, not overly intense as if he had a tree trunk stuffed up his ass like some actors tend to do when they try to look serious. Good job there.

But come 2010...


"Eat your hearts out, bitches!!! I may look pasty compared to you green/hairy/black sonnafabs out there, but look at the grooves and ridges on my biceps! See how it ripples even when I am just turning a tiny wheel in a still picture that shouldn't even be depicting rippling of any sort? I AM THE MAN!" *muscle man pose 1, pose 2 and pose 3*

I think this is the most buffed I ever saw RDJ. He was so scrawny in Holmes! Not that he needed any of those, he's got more than enough personality and cred as it is. Also, I rather like the new beardstache. It looks rather jaunty and fun, doesn't it?

Again, not like he needed a jaunty and fun beardstache to make up for anything. Heh.

My Plate

Sometimes I feel like I am no longer so connected with some of the people that I thought I have a good relationship with.

Because the moment I stop trying to tolerate their shortcomings and tell them how I really feel, I become a mean asshole instead of the friend who speaks the truth because she really cares.

Is hypocrisy really the best policy?

If I don't give a crap about these people, I wouldn't even say anything and just let them wallow and choke in their own shit.

I don't think I have it in me to tolerate things that I find wrong or stupid anymore. I have to deal with my own problems and neurosis on a daily basis. Self-doubt, worry and fear plagues me every day.

Is it too much to ask for some slack so that I won't have so many reasons to be pissed off?

I know it may sound selfish or even arrogant, but there is just a lot on my mind right now. Some understanding would be deeply appreciated and reciprocated. Eventually.

Although, there are still people in my life that makes me feel encouraged and positive on a daily basis. Thank goodness for these people, or I would probably be in a mental institution by now.

I really, really do not want to be such an angry person. Thank you very much.

No.

We do not waver, not for a small gesture.

The Path Of Knowledge

As I was catching up on my weekly readings of the various blogs today, I came across one of my Pinkie's entry about her past decisions, particularly in regards to studies, how it affected her life now, and some of the regrets that she may have.

Something that I can definitely understand.

My choices in education had been really unorthodox, to say the least. I guess it all stamps from this inner need to gain the best possible set of knowledge for me to fulfill my dreams.

Right after my 'O' levels, I knew I wanted to take Mass Comm. But my Dad thought that IT was a better choice. It was the period of the IT boom, and IT was where the money's at. And although I knew he would not force the decision on me, I decided to take up IT, partly because it seemed like a good choice and also because like any good daughter, I want to make my father proud.

Mistake.

I hate... hate... HATED IT. The programming, the networking, all of it! None of it made sense to me! Two semesters into it, I felt like I was drowning in a deep, dark, crazy binary pool of 1s and 0s that makes absolutely no sense. What 1+1=0???

*pause to eat a mouthful of pineapple... nom nom nom*

The more I struggled with IT, the more I thought about Mass Comm. I wanted to switch courses so badly, and I told my Mum exactly that. I told her that I was really struggling just to pass, and this was not the fantastic poly life that I had envisioned when I decided to drop one subject* in secondary school so that I can have a fighting chance of passing my Maths, which I suck at, and get at least a decent enough L1R4 for poly.

*An example of how much my parents trusted me. By dropping one subject, I was really at risk of not being able to even go to poly, but somehow they believed that I can do it. Such courageous parents!*

*pause to eat another mouthful of pineapple... YUMMY! Does sweet pineapple dance...*

I always remember the day when I had an argument with my Dad and I ran out of the house in tears. My Mum came after me and we were standing in this void deck, and I told her that the pressure was just too much. I was so worried that I won't even be able to graduate with a diploma.

My Mum, in her sometimes annoying calmness, said, "Have you really tried hard enough? Can you at least make sure you get your diploma? Then at least you have a form of security. After that you can look at other options."

Somehow, her treating me like an adult and discussing it with me, instead of my Dad's yelling and fist-waving, was a much more effective form of encouragement that I promised her there and then that I will finish the three years.

Of course Mumsies would come to regret her words, because gawd knows how much of her money I wasted in my quest to "find my true passion". Wahaahaha!

And so I soldiered on, somehow managing to find a combi of modules that is remotely interesting to me (making websites). Although I had to graduate a year later because I had to retake two electives. And just FYI, I was able to choose non-programming electives to replace the two disgusting programming modules that I failed and I ended up raking in A and B grades, so I am really not a bad student. I just need to have proper English to read, not some mumbo jumbo where it is okay to have different types of brackets as part of the language. At some point, you simply WILL lose track of how many types of brackets you opened and forgot to close (NO! GETTING 3456789 ERRORS WHEN YOU ONLY HAVE ONE BUG IS NOT ALRIGHT!)

But of course the story does not end here.

After poly, I again found myself at crossroads.

I know that it was both my parents dream that I get a degree, something that they were not able to do. But what should I study?

I knew that my Dad wanted me to continue with IT, because it seemed like such a wonderful idea (men are surprisingly forgetful when it comes to drama), but what I really want was something more related to performing arts, particularly the technical aspects. At the same time, I had strong misgivings because it did not seem feasible to study that in Singapore as it was 2004, Esplanade had not been built, I had never seen a local production before, and I thought the only theatre in Singapore was Kallang Theatre. The arts scene was so much more ulu than it is now (this was 7 years ago, okay! WAH, so long already!)

So I decided to take a year off to work and decide what I really wanted to do. (All the cool girls in the movies do that!) And in that time, I did send in an application to an institution in Canada which offers a very comprehensive course in technical theatre, with elective modules in performing arts. And I was accepted.

But I did not go.

I guess when I am really old and people ask me what was my greatest regret in life. It would have to be this. I could have had the uni life that I had always wanted, still dream about sometimes, in an ang moh country no less.

And I don't even know why. Maybe it was cold feet? Maybe the weird expression on my Dad's face when I told him I am interested in theatre? Maybe something in me that felt that I would never survive being alone out there? It's all fuzzy to me now, but somehow I just did not go.

In the end, I guess practicality won out over possible passion and I decided to take up a Mass Comm course here because it was something that I had always wondered about. The "what-if" card that was a much safer choice.

So it's not really that bad. I did get what I want too. I even played cheat a little and took up a Literature and Psychology course just to see how I would fare in a study-intensive program, but I got lazy. And that is just among the many, many different path of learning that I have attempted throughout the years.

And now here I am.

I wouldn't say that I got the best education, if you really must do a comparison. But I do think that I at least got an interesting package. Although I hated IT, I am currently the most IT-savvy female in my group of friends. Haha! Not the best of points for womankind but it's still something! Every lesson I attended before gave me something that no amount of studying might give others. Knowledge and self-awareness. What I can and cannot, like and dislike.

And I know that I will not stop here, although I am quite done with books for now. But learning never stops. I foresee that I will constantly be picking up new interests and develop new passions. Who knows? Someday I might even get a crazy idea to become Dr Moreen.

Hee!

*finishes pineapple... SLURP!*

PISAI

Oh dear...

P.I.S.A.I. stands for "Pontifical Institute for Arabic and Islamic Studies"

I wonder if they know what it means in another language...

Docolatte

I was on sick leave yesterday, so I went to Doctor's to get some medication and an MC.

I am usually not a big fan of Doctors. Some self-medication and a good day's sleep usually does the trick for me, but an MC is a must if you don't feel up to going to work (how I miss the days of a "parent's" letter), so I have to drag my sorry self to go see the Doctor.

My usual clinic was crowded with people, and I did not feel like waiting (which sick person would? I have this theory that only not-so-sick people wait at clinics because they are so desperate for an MC), so I went to another clinic right across the road which had no one waiting at all.

And if it strikes you as weird that one clinic was crowded while the other one right across the road has zero people, there is perfectly good reason.

Now I used to go to this Doctor when I was a kid but stopped a long time ago. I was rather surprised that he still had my records although it listed down my old address. I don't remember why I stopped going to him, but I do know why I will not go back to him. Again. For the second time in my life.

Because the Doctor is a snide little bastard.

He was!

He was so sloppy in his checkup, and the way he asked if I needed an MC was so judgmental and sarcastic that I feel like snatching his stethoscope and stuff it up his pompous arse.

I would have him know that I enjoy going to work and would not use being sick as an excuse to be lazy.

Obnoxious prick. No wonder his clinic is falling into shambles and he has no patients!

Hummph!

Okay, I am done venting, I need to rest now. I am back at work but still with a muthafarker of a sorethroat. KNN!

Yes, I Would Love Presents. And Cupcakes.

Ever felt so fucked up that you feel like everything you do is shit?

Or so positive that anything you touch turns into metaphorical pure gold?

Days like that come and go for me; I can feel so neurotic and inept that I just want to hide in a cave and die, hopefully of natural causes like unhealthy bowel movements due to eating rocks, or so happy and confident that I feel like the most popular person in the whole wide world, and that every single handsome dude wants to hold my hand and braid my hair.

Is this normal?

I cannot never truly decide if it is.

At my age, it's like being the senior citizen version of a tempestuous teenager so full of angst, yet not entirely sure exactly what to be pissed off about, hence the bounce back and forth between two extremes of the human emotion, happy, angry, angry, happy.

As a teenager, I always figured that I would outgrow this when I become an adult. That I will be a happy grown-up. Imagine my confusion and subsequent horror when I realised, now that I am an adult, that I was actually happier as an ignorant, dumb shit of a kid who don't know what the fuck she was doing.

See even though I didn't know much back then, although I certainly thought I did, it was actually a good thing. Being stupid certainly had its perks. At least I don't suffer from the bouts of upsetting moments brought on by the fucking wisdom of unwanted knowledge.

And I don't even have the luxury of not knowing what I am pissed off about now, because I know exactly what the hell it is.

I have so many things to complain about and I cannot even be like that stupid dumbshit kid and console myself by thinking, "Hey, all this will never happen again when you grow up", because argh fuckshit, I AM grown up.

With even more problems and worries.

I can never get my fluctuating weight under control, which not only means that I can never fully move on from the stigma of obesity, and the heart-related health problems that it brings forth, I am also covered with stretch marks that happens mostly on women who had given birth, which brings to mind the other one of my glorious shortcomings. That I am not even close to doing so.

I am terrified of becoming old, looking all wrinkled and withered. Yet I don't think I want to be in this phase of my life for too long, because I feel like I have not accomplished anything. But at the same time, I think I don't want to live too long, because I reckon the best years of my life, namely these couple of years, is going to be over soon.

On top of that, I cannot shake this constant nagging feeling that I can expect to turn into this joyless, bitter, old hag whose hobby is to chase after adorable, albeit annoying, children, shaking her wrinkled and withered fist at them, making a big deal for some inconsequential misdemeanor that she herself used to enjoy doing.

And all these, my friend, are just the dot on the tip of the tiniest peak of the puniest ice-berg.

I paint such a wonderful picture, don't I? Yes, my biggest flaw is that I over-think every single thing that comes into my brain, until my brain cannot help but scream in terror and try its best to claw its way out of my skull in a desperate attempt to get away from me.

Ohhh, what I would give to be an ignorant, dumb shit of a kid who don't know what the fuck she was doing again.

But here's the silver lining (which I found out recently, to my shock, that some of my friends don't know the meaning of); I have more of less accepted the fact that certain things are inevitable, just like certain flaws are a part of me that I can never change.

It is up to me whether I want to sink into a pool of desolation and self-pity, eventually meeting a sad and miserable end. Or I can choose to remind myself that shit happens from time to time, it's normal to fall into this pool now and then, but to remember to just wallow in it and that the shoreline is just so very close.

So there, this is my new thing in 2010. To be positive!

I give myself 3 months max, right about the time when the CNY and birthday buzz to wear off before I go back to angry and bitter bitch again. *smiles*

What Went Down On NYE

We went to Outback at Millenia Walk for dinner and then to this place, forgot the name, at Clarke Quay for drinks and countdown. Sherlock Holmes after. It was quite a fun night.

Just a couple of pictures shot with my mobile. The rest are with Lyn's BF, Scott, who already declared that it will be YEARS before we can see it.

Oh well... We din't take a lot of photos anyway.


This year I celebrate with Xiao Qing! <3 <3

And the sequel to the Christmas blockbuster hit, A Love Affair With The Whistle:


A Love Affair With The Whistle 2 - New Year's Romance! No, it's a different whistle. I lost the one from Christmas, remember?


Happy with the whistle and a KPO BFF.


HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

Look at all these 禽兽ssss doing weird stuffs with Xiao Qing!!!

Baubly Baubly Baubles!

My first ever...

Self-made earrings!


Black Onyx & Frosted Red Czech beads

Wahaha! Okay, so it is a rather simple one, but still... I took time to source for an example to copy, the "raw" materials and put it together all by myself.

I rather like this one, especially the frosted red beads. I am so tempted to pierce my ears just so I can wear them!

The next one I am going to venture is a slightly more complicated one, a charm bracelet, something I can actually wear! =]

PS: Sorry about the sucky picture. It's late and I am lazy. Deal with it! Haaah!

Snippet

"Everyone is in love with the idea of being in love. If not then no one would want to fall in love. Although as we grow older, it becomes more realistic and practical, and not so coated in a haze of fairy-tale like glow anymore.

But still... It's nice to at least have a level-headed expectation for love?"

I typed this in reply to a friend's Facebook status today and as I read it over, I realised I meant it.

As lost as the idea of unconditional love is to me, on top of possessing a deep abhorrence of becoming inexplicably self-contained and sappy like most people who are in love, I still believe and have hopes for it.

As long as we don't allow ourselves to get so caught up in it, that we are willing to let the rest of the world get shot to hell.

Like I said, level-headed expectations are nice.

Nice is good. It's simple, not too much, not too little. It's just nice...

A Trip Down Memory Lane

2010 brings forth the irritating reminder that I am going to cross over the threshold of mid-twenties to semi-mid-twenties. Although I am pretty sure I will not stop telling people that I am 18 years old.

Anywhooo, my getting on in the years also signifies another thing. All the great hits of the time when I was just a little girl~~~ has now been attuned to a thing of the past, music of the decades passed. An alien sound to even the hippest and coolest of kids in today's schoolyards, relegated to the paltry state of, dare I say it, an oldie! *HORROR*

My gawd, how overused and hated is the word RETRO.

And I finally understand why my parents always insisted on listening to the old crap from the dusty cassette tapes that they simply refuse to throw away. Because you never forget the tunes of your era and even after many many years, you will find yourself humming to it one day in the office for no particular reason.

So in a bid of embracing nostalgia, I hereby present some of my favourite hits of the time when I was still a teenager, which was like five years ago? ;)

Backstreet Boys, the first band of the boy bands, at least to me. I cannot count how many days I while away singing their songs. They were the first boy band I ever liked and theirs was the first CD I ever bought. And I have to say that I find it uber disturbing that they are still "boys" while I can't even use "girl" without people giving a questioning side glance.

OMG! I still remember every word of this song! Tell me what you want, what you really, really want! Spice Girls and their whole crap about girl power was pretty much the defining factor why a lot of women are bitches nowadays. And why it is okay to be a bitch. No other girl band ever came close to the Spice Girls for me.

Ahhh, Peter Andre. He and his abs were the object of my affection from ages late 13 to early 14. Music-wise, well... he's okay, I guess. But his abs... Major!

Vitamin C aka Colleen Ann Fitzpatrick was one of my favourite female singers back in the day. I thought she was so refreshing with her orangey hair and spunky image. I wonder what happened to her since and if she is still in the business.

The boy band that almost rivaled Backstreet Boys and spawned the madly successful Justin Timberlake. Two questions. One: What happened to the rest of them? Timberlake is doing so well, how can the rest fall so far behind. Two: What the hell is wrong with Timberlake's hair?

Summertime by LFO. Listened to this song a lot while studying for my 'O' levels. I like girls who wear Abercrombie and Fitch~~~ I even used "Rich's Girl" as my mIRC nick for a long time. Wahahaha!

Okay, these are the ones I can remember offhand, although there are many, many others. Then, there is the whole rock/alternative music phase too... But then again, rock music seems to sound even better aged.

Arrgh... Farking hell, I'm old!