Tuesday, December 21, 2010

A Conversation I Had With A Friend Today.

This is what he said about me (sorry it's so choppy, but just visualise the text on the smooth-flowing interface of a MSN chat screen):

"your mind is certainly well capable of handling all that complex thought
for some reason they don't interest you
superficiality is your way of staying in touch with the rest of society
i think you do the dumb blonde routine to stay relevant"

I guess on so many levels, this is one of the most apt observations that anyone has made of me in a long while.

Just trying to make my way around in a world that I feel out of place most of the time, a society that I don't understand, much less embrace. I have to learn to adapt. To act dumb sometimes and go along with where the wind blows. It's not tough, but it does not mean that I like it.

Even so, I still find myself fighting, from time to time, for what I know is right. It usually end up with people misunderstanding me and my intentions. But somehow I always managed to have the right people by my side.

Thank goodness for those people.

My Mum always like to say that I am good at being a 傻大姐 at times, but will also 带头做大姐 if I can catch enough confidence. And she is right. I don't mind playing the fool from time to time, if indeed I am ignorant in the situation. However, my rash, stubborn personality coupled with this need to seek out any form of fairness in this world has also sent me right into the thick of many conflicts.

Good or bad? I don't know. I will let the ones who are in a position to judge make the call.

I know that nothing can ever be really fair, and if there is anything rare in this world, it's true justice. But somehow, it's just something that I hope to find.

A hope. It's just that simple.

I guess for all this talk of adapting, I will never be able to fully yield to this illogical world I call home. I will, down to the core of my being, still be the weird one who believes in what most people would consider frivolous ideals.

It's alright. Really. I am far more intelligent than them anyway.

"the mind cannot work in such a way you can tone down your logic
logic is logic
whatever isn't is illogical
that's why you don't get them.....still
if you can't wrap your mind around nonsense
no amount of bimbotic self-hypnosis can change that"