A Strong Urge To Move On, A Stronger Desire to Hold On

I admire people who are able to place their feelings right on the surface and are not afraid to show it to the World. It's kinda like wearing a new dress out that most people would probably think is ugly, but somehow, just wanna fark it because you love it so much.

It may seem surprising that I am saying this, because people who knows me well enough, or BEST enough, should know that I am not one to hide much of anything that comes to mind, and would simply just say, or more aptly, blab it out.

But I think everyone have their own share of things that they just cannot bring themselves to talk about.

I seem to be having a lot of those things these days, and several times any effort to communicate them were either unsuccessful or went around in circles until it ended up nowhere. I am not sure if it's because the people I am trying to talk to are simply incredible conversational whizes and know exactly how to manipulate any conversation to their advantage, or just that I can't really bring myself to continue what I have started time and time again, just simply because I am afraid of finally getting an answer.

What a big bag of contradiction!

Sometimes the realisation that the person who understands me the best is not myself hits me, and although it is not exactly that scary but it certainly is disturbing. To me, the only solace of living in this farked up world is that I can dictate my own life and my own decisions. It's really weird realising that maybe I am the last person who should be making these decisions.

Oh well, much as I would love to continue confusing people with my ramblings, I am beat. Blogging seems to be taking a lot out of me these days. It's not coming as naturally to me as it used to. I think emotionally, I am not that in-tuned yet, it's been an interesting past couple of months, to say the least. Hopefully this phase of my life comes to a conclusion soon so I can move on to the next.