Like A Grain On The Beach

Went out on a "group date" with HJ's friends today and found myself actually having fun. Being shamelessly peddled by your friends as being a good "potential girlfriend" is definitely a liberating experience.

I went to meet PS first, but she was LATE for HALF AN HOUR! She was kinda worried that I would be angry, but I was actually just sian because I have to sit at Raffles Place alone, with the people whizing past me like they are on their way to collect their winning 4D prize or something. Why do peak hour train-takers always seem to act like they are on some deadly mission to go somewhere? It's so peculiar.

Anyway, so I waited for her at Raffles Place for half an hour. And when she met me, she gave me a packet of White Chrysanthemum drink to make up for it. Haha. She really thinks that I am a child. But she also gave me something else to cheer me up lar, so I shall forgive her.

My dear Pinkies arh, I know I am not myself right now. And I am worrying some of you with my constant whining and complaining. But I guess it's just something that everyone goes through before they really find what they want in life. I am thankful that as I walk down this seemingly difficult maze, I have you all to watch out for me and make sure that I eventually find the exit. <3 Pink Army! *blush* Muahahaha!

Anyway, I remembered something about Jeremy today that I really feel like blogging down. It was a staff retreat at Pasir Ris, and we were all hanging around at the beach, playing around and chit chatting. Somehow, I just got comtemplative and sat a little apart from the others. And Jeremy came over, sat beside me and asked me why I was not joining the others, who by then were playing with sea water.

The conversation went something like that, also don't really remember actual words.

"No lar, I don't like to play with water. Ma fan, must change later."

"Ok loh, then wo pei ni."

"No need lar, go play with them lar. Last night liao leh."

"Then you still sit here? You only say but you don't do."

"No leh. I like sitting here. Can think mah."

"What are you thinking?"

"Nothing loh. Things loh. I am a very deep person, okay?"

He laughs.

"Actually I am thinking why every guy seems to put me into the buddy zone. I am like permenent resident of the buddy zone." (Haha, I also don't know why I said that, but I just did. Damn paiseh to think of it now. How can a girl talk like that to a guy? Haiyoh!)

He laughs again.

"Don't laugh leh, very saddening one leh."

"No lar, I am not laughing at you. It's just that I think you are very comfortable to be around. Too comfortable sometimes that guys just forget to see that you are a girl."

"Thanks ah! Thanks!"

"No lar, actually, I think it's just that you seem like a very strong character. Guys get intimidated by that."

"Chiam lar. Jia bu chu qu le."

At this point, he kinda reached around me and patted my shoulder twice.

"Don't worry lar, someone will come along. When the timing is right."

And I guess it was at that point I started to look at him in a different light. Someone that I like but had no courage to tell. Not sure if he ever found out about it though. Maybe, maybe not.

Sigh... Why is that when something happens, feelings are the first thing that comes rushing back? And how can a person have strong feelings for two people at the same time? Is one of them just an illusion? A way of pushing away unwanted feelings?

I once experienced having strong feelings for two person at the same time, but one of them turned out to be a magnified infatuation used to block away the impossibility of the other.

So which is which now? I am not so sure myself too.

When are you going to wake up? Haven't sleep enough? Huh?