Where's The Oblivion?

Someone complained to me that not only is my blog gloomy-looking, even the recent posts are gloomy.

Sigh, what to do, I am a gloomy person. Gloom just loves to follow me.

I really have nothing, absolute NOTHING to give thanks to in the year of 2008 so far. And it is already May.

Where is the satisfaction, the cheerfulness, the looking forward to the rest of the year that always comes to me in the middle of the year?

I always have a particular fondness for June, because it is like a marking point for the first half of the year, and basically allows me to think about how I want the rest of the year to go. But it seems like this year, that gloom is going be with me for a while, all the way to December.

Don't think it's that bad?

I am a 25-year-old who is still living off her parents, have no idea what she wants to do after she graduates, is constantly worried about her own health, knows that she will never be pretty enough or slimmed down enough, who also can't seem to even get her love life in order properly, and worried that she is going to die exactly the way she is now and everyone is going to remember her as a loser.

Talk about being neurotic huh?

And did I mention that since the guy that I used to like is in the hospital, I cannot stop thinking about him and kinda placed him on this pedestal-like thing, and is simply just magnifying everything good about him by ten times, and it is now making me very confused. And if that is not sick enough, I know what I am doing, but I just cannot stop it.

Ugh.

I am trying to remember if I have always been this plagued with self-doubt and lack of confidence or it is just something that I have acquired in the recent years. Maybe it was always there, just that I somehow lost the ability to hide it. Which is kinda sad.

Sigh, people are going to think that I am a nutcase. I would just like to point out that I am not crazy.

I am really not!

I am just getting by, and hoping.