Run Faster, You Doche

My friend told me that in her previous job in newspaper ads, there was this elderly man who had never gone overseas before, so he wanted to visit China since he had a bit of time now to enjoy himself.

As he did not want to go alone, he wanted to place an ad in the newspaper for a travel companion. But due to security reasons, the newspaper had to reject him. According to my friend, he was really disappointed.

I felt so sad when I heard this story.

Somehow I worry that this would become my story when I grow old.

I am not someone who is afraid of being alone. Being a single child with a large extended family, I grew up with a healthy combination of the company of other kids and learning how to keep myself occupied.

I can easily sit through a dinner with lots of people that I hardly know and still enjoy an entire movie or two in the cinema by myself. Not to mention I have lots of close friends who I meet up with on a regular basis.

But of late, I am beginning to ponder more and more about the possibilities of really spending the rest of my life by myself. Just for the record, I am really talking about being alone as compared to being lonely.

I am like every girl, I want to find Prince Charming, get married, have kids and live happily ever after.

Sounds like a plan?

No. Stop, rewind, check that. This sentence is so wrong and so does not apply to modern society that if I ever become a mother, I am going to tell my daughter right off that there is no such thing.

Because it is never just this simple.

To find someone that you want to be totally committed to. I don't know about the others, but to me, even the thought of trying to find this person is tiring. The not knowing, the trying to know, the wondering if what you know is really what there is know, is just plain tedious.

I rather be alone.

There is also the cost of getting married and having a kid. I don't even want to think about those. If I cannot be the kind of parent that gives my kid everything that he or she deserves, then I rather spend the money on myself. I daresay my upkeep is confirm much cheaper than a kid.

And honestly, the thought of having a child terrifies me. It really, really does. Having such responsibility over another person's life.

I rather be alone.

Of course there is also the given truth that no happiness is a guarantee. That everything you do comes with a risk. Be it alone or with someone else. But the idea of putting my happiness in someone else's hands.

I rather be alone.

So there. I know people always say that the right one is out there and that eventually we will find someone and everything will fall into place, no matter how difficult it may be. But there are also a lot of people in this same "out there" dimension who never meet that someone and grow old alone.

What are the odds? 1 in 10 maybe?

Well, in a group of 10, I think I am the uno.

So now all I have to do is figure out how to keep myself occupied... For the rest of my life.

The thought neither excites nor terrifies me.

One thing is for sure though, I will never place an ad in the newspapers looking for a travel companion.