Crazy People

I think there are some really crazy people at my work place. They seemed to think that they are the most important people in the world, and that they can just yell at anyone whenever they like. It's sick.

Prince of Tennis maniac now. It is not healthy for me that I am into unreal teenage anime characters who are way too cute. I am a sick pervert. Thank you.

I Miss...

Whoa, my blanket nearly trapped me under it, it's heavy!!! Almost died there. OK! What am I blogging about today neh? Oh, ha, ok. Well, I was reading this blog of this fan of Shinhwa, and she wrote this really beautiful blog entry about her feelings for her favourite member of the group, Junjin. It's amazing how intense her feelings are for this person that she has even never met before.

For a moment, it was almost like I was reading about a girl talking about her boyfriend, and I had this insane feeling of jealousy. For like about 3 minutes. Then I find myself hoping that one day she will eventually get over him. The other option is to meet him and make him fall hopelessly in love with her, which is not totally impossible, but the chances of that happening is kinda teeny weeny little slim.

It's all good to love idols, I mean, I should be one to know, I have so many idols that I don't even remember who they are (it IS possible for that to happen). But loving your idols and being IN LOVE with them is so different. It can even be dangerous because eventually idols might also get married, and have families of their own. They might be straight or gay or whatever, but when they find love, and most probably not with their fans, there is gonna be a trail of broken hearts lying around. I wish more people will just understand that idols are humans too, and that they might not be what we think they are. They are most certainly imperfect, maybe even more so than us. This girl really has her heart and soul into loving Junjin, or even at the very least she has her heart and soul into writing about loving him. It's so sad!!!

Junjin ah Junjin, you realise how many girls' hearts you are breaking? And how many more you are gonna break when you eventually found the one of your dreams? And if it's Hyesung, then you two are gonna leave shards of broken hearts trailing from Korea all the way to the US.

Anyway, Junjin's so freaking hot, there is a big possibility that when I get to see him in real life, I might just kidnap him, tie him to my bed and have my wicked way with him. Oh, were we talking about something else? Wow, I managed to type that out without the slightest hint of redness to my face. Ha, you know what they say, the bold and the beautiful, you can never be beautiful without being bold. Ok, ok, I said that, but I believe in it. Hence my enduring beauty shall LAST INTO ALL ETERNITY *EVIL LAUGH* WORHAHAHA.

*Laughter trails off as men in white appears. Runs off to avoid men in white...

Tiredness, Exhaustion, Fatigue, Lassitude, Weariness

I am so tired!!! I think I still have not recovered from the overnighting on last Fri/Sat. I guess I pushed myself beyond my limit. It would probably take me a couple of days to get back my groove. *makes groovy sounds*

I finished up L Word Season 1 yesterday, gearing myself up for Season 2! Too bad Tim and Marina won't be in Season 2 anymore, but Jasu told me that there is a cuter guy in Season 2. Ha, it's very sad for me that even when I am watching a lesbian-themed series, I am looking out for the guys. Extremely sad. But anyway! Poor Shane! It's such an irony that when people who play the field eventually falls in love, the person that they fall in love with are most of the time a) married b) not in love with them or c) have aids.

Alright! It's extremely late right now, and I am feeling the lure of sleep after a satisfying dinner. Had dinner at this little vegetarian place, and their food is SUP! Love it, love it, love it. Had my favourite monkey head (scared ya, din't I?) mushrooms. Yum yum. After that, my mum bought 10 over dollars worth of kuehs (asian type of sweet-cakes that costs barely 50 cents a piece). That woman is back to her old weird spending ways, even since she's got back to work. *shakes head* Anyway, she din't have to pay for dinner, I did. So maybe that's why she was feeling generous. Who knows? *walks off mumbling about weird mums who spend money on things that will probably end up in the trash anyway*

Am I Cool Or What?

Stayed out the entire night with PS, ST, Wyn and HJ at Swensens at Crown Prince Hotel. Came home about 12 pm in the afternoon. It was fun, but extremely tiring. We just sat around drinking coffee, talking crap until about 6 am, before dragging ourselves for a quick breakfast.

The objective was to accompany Wyn for the Hyundai key things, she did not won the car though, but it was fun. Except that the tireness really sucked. Guess I am TOO OLD to be doing such stuffs.

Came home and watched L Word for the entire afternoon. The series turned out to be pretty different from what I envisioned. I think that Jenny is a stupid, selfish bitch, Tim's a brainless asshole and Marina is the evil senorita from hell. Tina and Bette may look like the perfect couple, but they seemed so mind-numbingly stupid about the problems in their relationship. Dana is ok, but not my favourite. I like Shane and what's her name, erm, erm, Alice! Yeap, for me, the two of them have the most interesting personalities on the show. And I love Kit, she's like the resident wise woman or something, the things she says are so woop. And the lesbian-identified man (basically a gay who loves woman, or what I like to call the guy-who-thinks-he-is-a-woman-but-still-likes-women), great touches. I could go on and on about the show, it's very thought-provoking. I like how they add on a dimension of complexity to every character. I would probably love to do a detailed analysis of the characters, but I am tired and lazy. So maybe some other time. Or not. Whatever. ^________^

How Shall I Name Thee, Letter L?

L Word is a good series, about 1 and a half years after I saw its advertisement during a Yankees baseball game, I finally got to watch it. It is a refreshing change from the stuffs I am used to seeing, the usual "safe" stuff.

Jasu said that I probably won't like it, good thing I forced her to lend it to me. So far I have only seen like one episode and a half, and it's definitely holding my interest. But my monitor's turned pink again, so I have to wait till the colour comes back before I can continue watching. Damn.

I guess one thing for EXTREMELY STRAIGHT, NON-LESBIAN, MUSCLE-DIGGING, LOVE-MEN-TILL-DEATH girls like me is that, most of us tend to be uncomfortable with the issue of lesbianism. Perhaps it is just like macho, chick-loving, egomaniac males who are uncomfortable with the issue of gayism. Somehow to me, it's the other way round. I am more comfortable with lesbianism than gayism. The thought of two males rubbing it together somehow seemed almost repugnant as compared to two females doing the same thing.

Maybe it's the fact that I am a girl, and it's easy to see why some girls would prefer to be with girls. Girls are generally closer with each other anyway. I guess being a lesbian is being able to take a close friendship to a more intimate level, and being able to accept the fact that they are with a girl.

Actually, being with a girl is not that bad too, I am sure a lot of girls who have close girlfriends would have at one time thought "this is way better than any relationship with a guy", right? Gawd knows the number of guys who had driven me so nuts that it makes me want to contemplate turning into a lesbian. But of course, people who knows me know that I can never be one, as I am almost graduating my studies to becoming a nympho, no point wasting all that effort. Besides, I like the sight of a well-built man. *slurp*

It's funny though that a lot of my friends say that I have the most potential to becoming a lesbian, but I have it on good authority that I can never be a lesbian. I used to have a colleague at Guest Castle, who is a lesbian. I think her name is Fan or something like that, and she told me once that I am very unattractive to lesbians. My ego had propelled me, at the time, to ask with a unhappy pout, WHY? She answered with a nonchalant "You are just unattractive to us loh. Too straight lah" Haha, you really don't know whether to be flattered or to be insulted.

untitled post

Why does all the males in my life turned out to be great disappointments? First there was Cymon, Ronnie, then most recently, my favourite uncle, and now my dad. My mum once said that women are put in this world to worry about men. But are we put in this world to be disappointed by them too? I don't know what else to say. I wish that everything bad and evil will just go away, and stay away. I hate it that I am so unhappy. Is there even anything else worth anything?

...

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Why?

Windier

Today was a weird day, almost felt like I was dreaming on my feet. It's very hard to describe what I felt today. I was sitting at the DO desk, standing in for Dam while the CSOs go laugh loudly in our manager's office, when I suddenly remembered the first time I went to the office. I was sitting in the same area, but on the sofa for promoters, waiting for my interview.

I was looking at an ex-colleague, Charlene, doing her work, and waiting for the assistant manager to interview me. And I sat there wondering if I will get the job, and at the time, I thought that the chances were pretty low. I usually try not to get my hopes up when I go for interviews. So I was sitting there, and I remember thinking about how serious Charlene looked while working, and she seemed pretty stressed up.

And one year later, I was sitting at the same place where she was sitting, but not doing the same thing. I was just sitting there, staring at where I was sitting, and dreaming. It's amazing that I can stay at a job for so long, even to the point that I am starting to learn new stuffs and have new duties, something that never happened to me before in all the other jobs that I've worked before. And the good friends whom I've made, when I really did not expect to make any. To think that I almost did not went for the interview. Perhaps I will still be slogging at Sentosa if I did not managed to find someone to replace my morning shift that day.

INGRATE!!!!!

Don't you just hate it when you put it in your mind to help someone, and like a bloody ungrateful dog, that person came back and attempted to bite you. I was so pissed off. Granted, my tone was a little unsympathetic, but I did assure him that I will call him back, AND I FUCKING DID INTENDED TO HELP HIM. Calling back to speak to someone else is UNGRATEFUL! INGRATE, ASSHOLE, HOPE YOUR BUTT ITCHES FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. AND HE WAS RUDE, RUDE, RUDE!!!! HATE HATE HATE, STAB STAB STAB STAB. For someone like him, it's no surprise that he got bitten by bugs while watching a show. SERVES HIM RIGHT!!!!!!!!

Anyway, I am totally falling in love with The Ten Tenors' "Burn For You". If they sing the song for me live, I think I will melt into a pool of water. Amazing talent, all of them. Listen to it, I've a link to the right side =====>
Enjoy.

PS: If you look at the picture of Wannie below, I just want to comment that his, erm, nippular area did not look quite as large on my comp as it does on the blog. It's a little scary, I know. Sorry about that (nope, still not taking it off).

A List Of My Favourite Things

At the moment, it's:
The Ten Tenors, Julie Garwood, Shinhwa, Detective Conan, Cirque Du Soleil, Nata De Coco, Snyder's Pretzel Pieces, Yakult, and...

THIS!!!


And no, he's not on the list because he's buffed and half-naked... *stares at the picture and starts to fantasize* Ohhh. Where was I? Well, he's on the list because he happens to be my favourite member of Shinhwa at the moment, ok? *staring, staring, staring. Urm, so... *staring*, so... I gotta go. Ok, bye. *fantasize, fantasize, fantasize*

When Old Friends Quarrel

I had an outburst at two of my friends just now via MSN. And after going about in circles about the issue that I was angry about, I suddenly lost steam. My brain just stopped functioning, and I lost my train of argument.

I have no idea why that happened, probably because one of the girls who I was ranting at is having her birthday today. I don't know. I just kinda realise that they seemed to understand what I am trying to say, and that there's really no way you can argue with a person anymore after that.

It's been a long-standing issue in our group, that no one seems to be able to change. It happens to almost everyone before. Miscommunication, not understanding what each other really mean, and sometimes the mild inconsideration that no one seems to notice. I am guilty of it too. It's amazing our group can last so long. I really have no idea why.

And the two of them actually succeeded in making me guilty ranting at them, even though while I was still feeling a little upset. Perhaps, to me, the friendship is much more important than alot of other things. At first, I thought that they do not give a crap about me, but after they tell me, they did bothered, well, it's not an issue anymore.

I am alright about it now, amazing short span of time, since I am quite a petty person. If it were to be any other friends at all, I will probably be able to take it in stride better. But probably because I know this group of friends very well (proudly going on 10 years!!!), there are certain things that I thought they know, but they don't really know. Ahh, I don't know!!!

Anyway, just want to blog down this particular day, so that someday, maybe we can laugh at it. I know that I can be childish, but it's better to be childish, than let something fester and eventually become a sore point. I just hope that my friends understands that. Sometimes when you care about something a lot, like this friendship that I have, you tend to go a little crazy when you think that no one else seems to care as much as you do.

Whoopie!!!

Allow me to share my jubiliation (or is it jubilation?) that I have finished my essays for this month, and will be free for about two more weeks before all the madness starts again. Time to read my novels and do all the nonsense that I love to do!!!

Hmmm, does it bother anyone that when you walk past a tree, and you hear like a million birds chirping at the same time? Then when you look up, you can't see a single damn thing but leaves and branches. The tree roughly about 60 feet away from my window is chirping like crazy. *shudders* I hate it when it happens. Just the thought of those creepy, black creatures which are full of dirty feathers, that are seemingly invisible, perching on the trees, makes my goosebumps stand, and not in a good way.

Seriously contemplating making a trip to Causeway Point to see if Music Junction have any of The Ten Tenors' CDs. I can always do so tomorrow when I go to work, but I am in a happy mood right now, after finishing my essays. Feel like going out and doing a little shopping. Also need to pick up my new contacts. I am only too lazy to get myself ready. =P

Looking at my pile of books now, knowing that I have to start my reading for the next essay (ALREADY???!!??). Not a very pleasant thought. I am determined to shove all thoughts of it out of my mind, until maybe next week. Ha! Hey, the tree has stopped chirping. It's like they know!!! -_-

The Ten Tenors are like WOOP!

Wow, it's been almost a week since I started this gummy bear eating craze, and I still cannot stop myself. I am so gonna die of gummy bear sugar overdose. Bet you think that I will start off this blog by gushing about The Tenors, dinya? HAHA! Loser!!!

Anyway, The Ten Tenors definitely blew me away tonight. Seriously considering buying their albums, they make my goosebumps stand no matter what they sing (and people who know me will know that the ability to create goosebumps standing ovations are what I look for in a song), be it opera, pop, 80s or whatever, they are just that good. Their harmonies can melt your socks! I've been wanting to see them since seeing their poster two years ago, but something always seemed to stop me. Tonignt is the night! I kind of regret not buying a more expensive ticket, but if they come again, I will definitely do so.

I can't gush enough about The Ten Tenors, I might do a more proper review of them in my website IF I have the time, and IF I feel like it. In anyways, here's my little banner to The Ten Tenors website.

A Painting

Click picture to see enlarged version

The Lictors Bring to Brutus the Bodies of His Sons by Jacques-Louis David


The political influence aside, this is a really powerful painting to me. I am usually not interested in the history or reason behind a piece of art. What really interests me is the meaning conveyed by it, and this painting definitely has a very strong meaning behind it. Brutus signed for the execution of his sons for conspiring against the Roman Republic, and the bodies are brought to him after the deed was done. A choice between the his family and his country, and he chose the latter. Very powerful indeed. At least something good has come out of my humanities studies. I might not be scoring the high marks, but at least I get to know of this painting.

PS: Does Brutus reminds anyone of a certain Mr Bana who acted in Troy? Maybe that's why I like the painting so much. =P

Eric & Viggo

How fun for me! Eric Banadinovich is working on a new project, with the Olympics movie STILL in pre-production. Viggo Peter Mortensen Jr. has just completed a movie and is filming Alatriste. I hope that the movies won't get canned along the way, or I'm gonna kick some serious butt. Ha, who am I kidding? I will probably get kicked first before my feet even leaves the ground, but anyway...

I like Eric and Viggo. They are about the only actors who can hold my interest for so bloody long, simply because they are like this new hybird of men that no one else seems to be like. Hmmm, let me sidetrack a little, I just found this longish-shaped, gross-looking thing on the floor. And it's freaking me out. Damn, what the hell???!!!??? *Close inspection* Okaaay, it's just a long bean from my dinner that I dropped. YUCKS! I hate long beans! Not only do they taste vile, they are scary. Grrrr.

Anyway, back to topic, they each have this unique charisma that no one else seems to have. Even the next favourite actor on my list, Hugh Jackman, kinda lose out a little in the charisma sector when compared to them (if you must know why, it's the breast comment he made on Leno.), even though physique and looks wise, Hugh is definitely tops (Viggo is too short and Eric's face looks weird without the facial hair).

I guess the one main thing that seems to unite them (Hugh too), is that they all seem like such nice people, I mean, two of them are happily married, and talks about their wives and kids all the time. The other one is an artist who loves walking in forests barefooted, and he loves his son and apparently is still on good terms with his wife. Talk about attractive. I could go on and on, but I am already as nympho as it is, so I guess I shall not. Anyway, I am tired. AND FUCKING SHIT!!! I STEPPED ON THE BLOODY LONG BEAN! I KNEW I SHOULD HAVE PICKED IT UP WHEN I DISCOVERED IT. So there people, this is a lesson not to be LAZY!

Identity

No one can hear all that's been said
You're feeding me useless lines of nothingness
Let me run away
Don't keep me here
I can't stay around
I can't take this fear

Everything I want to be a disgrace to my identity
I don't mind
Just give me my indifference, stop questioning my reason
I don't mind

Uncomfortably clear
All is the same now
I'm adapting to this
No I'm not afraid now
Let me run away
You can't keep me here
I won't stay around
And take this fear

At least have the decency to extend the TMA deadline

Notice from SIM.

AZS210 T05- Change of Tutor

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

6 May 2005

Dear AZS210 (T05) Students,

Please be informed that due to work commitments, your tutor, Mrs Patricia Wee, has resigned from SIM-OUC.

With effect from 9 May 2005, your new tutor will be Ms Audrey Toh. Her details are as follows:

Name:
Ms Audrey Toh

Mailing Address:
Blk *** Tampines St ** #**-** Singapore ******

Contact Nos.:
********(H) / aud*****@****net.com.sg (Email)


Please submit your TMA03(Due Date: 13 May 05) onwards to Ms Audrey Toh.

We apologise for any inconvenience caused. Kindly share this information with your fellow tutorial group mates.

Yours faithfully,
Hayati Mosma (Ms)
Lecturer Records & Relations Dept
SIM Open University Centre
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Randomness

Now that I have a new blog, I seemed to feel like blogging more. Wonder how long this will last. More or less give it another 3 weeks.

Anyway, I was visiting a couple of blogs of people that I don't really know very well, friends of friends or people that I know who, but don't really know. It really strikes me as interesting how much a blog can reveal about a person. Like this girl I know seemed to be really shy in real life, but her blog is full of profanities and an attitude that almost seems to be a forced-on. If I have not met her before in real life, I will probably think that the blogger is the cool, stylo-milo type, full of opinions, attitudes and energy for life. Well, she is not like that in real life, and that makes her blog seems like a fraudulant attempt to recreate herself into something that she is not. Confusing really.

Anyway, maybe I am the big fraud here. Jasu mentioned before that I write better than I speak. Then today, Daniel and Gary said that my written English is horrible, I can definitely see where they are coming from. With phrases like 'a educated gentleman' and 'an major change' in my essay, who can I blame?

Anyway, I am losing track of what I am trying to say here. So I shall stop. Considering which song to put here. Any suggestions?

The Damning Truth

Ahhh, finally found a skin that suits my fetish for the colours black, red and orange, and simplicity. Even though I really prefer a Shinhwa skin anytime, this is just as good.

Anyway, watching this Dorama, 100 Tales of Horror, on Channel 8. This super cute boy turned into a werewolf to save his lady love, who was kidnapped by a bad guy. Bad guy died, but lady love died too. What a sad end to the story, but he seemed to gain some magical powers, and is flying around, standing on trees, perhaps also helping humankind. With greater powers, comes greater responsibility!!!

Today was quite an alright day at work. Reminds me of back when Sundays used to much more fun with Davina, Jacintha, and whoever who was also working Sunday. Now it seems like only I get to work on Sundays. While I like the casual and relaxed atmosphere, I miss the days where we would sit in a circle, and yada about anything from ghost to sexual relationships. Those were the days...

Anyway, starting on my essays tomorrow. Boring. I have no idea at all how to start. And now that my Literature tutor, Mrs Wee, quit, I wonder what our new tutor is like. Hope she is not a total bitch or anything like that. Changes are bad, especially if it changes downhill.

Sea and Beach

Trying to be a reaponsible blogger here, and try to blog as much as I can. I am so exhausted! I had a lecture in the afternoon, then rushed to Zhen Zhen's birthday BBQ. I stupidly took Bus 61, and ended up taking a 2 hour ride to Eunos, which thereafter, I had to take a cab to Bedok to meet Jasu and Dav, because I was really late.
Reaching East Coast, I finally got myself into a better mood. I love going to the beach! Especially at night. It's so peaceful sitting there, with the tinge of salt in the air, and the waves crushing against the shore. I've always love being near the sea. The vastness of it always seemed to clear my mind.

I used to enjoy going to East Coast alone on weekdays just to cycle, and enjoy the quietness. I could think a million wayward thoughts and fantasize about what life would be like 10 years down the road. It's been ages since I last done that. Somehow, it seemed like I've grew less and less independent with each day. The thought of going anywhere alone bothers me. Or maybe I have just become more practical, no longer someone who fantasizes by the beach anymore.

Still, I like being near the sea. Maybe it's the piscean in me, but being near the sea clears my head, and make me feel so much better. There, I've blabbered on and on about the sea and the beach, and yada. Who says I don't have a romantic soul?

Poetry

Hello there, welcome to my new blog. For certain reasons that I am too lazy to explain, I've decided to change to using blogspot, and I've decided to use ready-made templates. Extremely good for lazy people like me, who wants a pretty blog, but too lazy to learn how to make one. Thanks to all the good people out there who bothers to make blog templates. You guys are amazing.

Anyway, I am still keeping my old journal over at livejournal.com. Maybe someday, I will start doodling with it again. Who knows? My friends say that I should make a conscious effort to blog more often, because it is a good way for them to keep up with my life. But when I blog, they don't bother to read. You never really know what is the right thing to do.

Do you like my current template? I think it is cute. Not my style, but very adorable. I like things that doesn't really look like anything, but vaguely like something. Then when you tag a name onto it, it becomes something. Doesn't make sense? Well try, because I am not going to repeat myself again.

The good thing about reading is that if you read something that you do not understand, you can always read it over and over again, until you make some sense out of it. If you still do not, then maybe giving up is a good idea.

This is how I feel during my poetry lecture, but instead of reading, I was having trouble listening. The sad thing is I do not get a chance to really ponder over what the lecturer said, before he moved on to mumble about something else. Yes, my lecturer mumbles, he's weird.

He kept talking about pleasure. While poetry is certainly a pleasurable activity for some, I fail to see why my lecturer has to emphasize on the word so much. And when he start to mention words like "sexual appetite" and "passion", both in the same sentence, I somehow lost track of the main points he was trying to bring forward. *shrugs* It's hard being a literature student.

Not to waste my time, however, I started dooling. And I wrote a poem myself. It's not really a master piece or even a proper poem at that, but I thought it to be rather funny.

As I sat listening to my poetry lesson,
I wonder why do they even bother
To put an analysis on art.
Why scrutinise every word of Wordworth
When the man is long dead and buried?
Is it not better
To just celebrate his cleverness?
Instead of turning him in his grave
With abysmal guesses of his creation.
I claim not to be a poet,
I simply just like to doodle.
Laugh all you want at my little verse,
At least I don't claim to know poetry.

Up to around this part, my lecturer dismissed us. I am not sure whether I would have continued if the lecturer had not. Reading it now, I think it's kinda a charming little amaterish effort. What do you think?

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