Dreaming Of Egypt

As someone who has always been interested in ancient civilisations, ancient Egyptian myths and history has always been a source of fascination for me.

After fulfilling my desire of going to US and Japan, now I find myself yearning to walk on the grains of the Egyptian sand and look at the Sphinx from the tip of her paw.

Sigh... Just looking at the pictures brings me such a feeling of peace. Maybe I am an Egyptian in my past life?

-Note: Blogger is a crazy woman who thinks that she is New Yorker in her past life when she was in US, and a Japanese when she was in Tokyo.-

Hehheh.

Alright! NPNT! I shall stop yakking and let's just look at the pictures and feel at peace together, okay? ^_________^

-Another note: Do click on the pictures to see the bigger, grander, more beautiful versions! Sigh... So beautiful!!!-

Waiting For Something Good To Happen

Feeling so pressed down by everything happening around me.

I need a breather.

Seriously.

When will my break come?

...

I wasn't exactly sure how to put into words my feelings regarding Jeremy. I have been thinking about it a lot for the past few days. And I guess the best way is to face it head-on.

And be thoroughly honest.

I guess I still have feelings for him. Feelings that I thought I had buried a long time ago, along with the easy friendship we used to share.

I am stupid like that sometimes. When I like a guy, and I know it couldn't go anywhere, the only way I know of getting over that person is to shut him out of my life. Pretend he doesn't exist. Until the feelings go away. It was easy to do that for some guys, a little harder for some of what I would label "the really good ones". But the end result would always be the same. The feelings eventually go away, but deep down I know that I will always remember them.

Each and everyone of them.

Jeremy is no exception.

And it is so difficult to even be okay when this guy who once had a special place in my life, is now lying in the hospital in casts and bandages and I can't even find the fucking courage to see him.

I kept telling myself that he will be alright. And that to see him would be to make things even more serious than it is. But days passed and with no sign of him waking up. What happens now?

I can't even bear to think about putting into words my greatest fear. It just cannot be like that. It is so fucking unfair. He is only 27. How can it be?

Fuck all hit-and-runners. You don't deserve to be humans.

I am so angry with myself. My inability to even be there for him. What's the point of trying to portray a strong and tough exterior day in and out, when inside I am nothing but a spineless piece of shit coward?

It just cannot be like that. I can't take it. Please change for the better. Whatever it takes. Please.

Jeremy, please get well soon.

Sigh. They say careful what you wish for. But never careful what you think of.

Just when I thought life was going well, a friend of mine got into an accident. He was on his bike, riding home when apparently a car knock him down. And the most disgusting thing is that it was a hit-and-run.

How can anyone just knock an innocent person down and disappear? It is just beyond me that anyone can live with the guilt of doing something like that.

Currently, my friend is heavily in bandages and cast and haven't woke up yet. I think I heard his parents telling his girlfriend something about him being in a coma. I am not sure if that is just their speculation or if the doctor told them that. I don't really dare to talk to them, because I don't know what to say in such situations and I really don't want to upset them. But the thought of my friend being in a coma is really terrible.

I haven't seen this friend in a long while. Although we used to be quite close, he just became one of those people that you have always wanted to contact, but just never did. It is that thought that makes me feel so crappy on top of my worry for him. That I have taken him for granted for so long, and only now, feel the guilt that I haven't been making effort to keep in touch.

A friend told me that it is useless and redundant to think of such things only now when something has happen. But I still feel like shit. Sigh. I don't know how else to feel. I was actually quite alright until I heard about the coma thing. It was the first moment when it finally sink in that my friend is in a very serious condition.

And I really hate the idea of going to the hospital. I just hate hospitals. I wish I don't have to step into one ever. Sigh. I don't know. I really don't know.

Movie Updates

Jason Statham is filming The Transporter 3, due for a 2009 release! Oooh yeah! I love The Transporter! There is just something about the way Jason Statham portrays the seemingly cold and uncaring Transporter with just a tinge of emotion sizzling right beneath the surface, that is just so piffing sexy.

*Deep bimbiotic sigh*

In other movies-I-cannot-wait-to-watch news...



He's coming! Yeah, run to me baby! ;P

Oh dear, what with The Dark Knight coming soon as well. OVERLOAD!

A Morning Post From Queenstown

Sitting here at Yoniko's home work desk in the early morning, I cannot help but think of setting up a proper working desk at home too. I can probably place it right by my window, where the lighting can get really soft and comfortable at dawn and dusk, partly because of my wonderful curtains (yes, I love my curtains).

I can just imagine sitting there in the glow of the soft golden light, a nice cup of coffee or tea beside my hand, and just doing whatever it is that interests me online.

Just the thought of it relaxes me already.

Sometimes just thinking about the moments of simple pleasures in life can be a simple pleasure in itself.

I am not sure if it is all the workouts that I have been getting recently or the few extra yoga practices that I have been trying to cramp into my daily routine, but I am really feeling much more at peace and contented lately. I don't feel as angry or miserable as I was maybe like two or three months ago. It wasn't easy getting to this stage of self-contentment and, dare I say it, happiness. But now that I kinda feel that I am here, it feels oddly comforting yet confusing.

Because I don't seem to remember how I got here. At all.

Which is kinda disconcerting because if only I knew, then maybe I can get here easier and faster in the future when I become angry and miserable again.

Sigh.

Has happiness become something so fleeting to me that I am already worrying about the next time I lose it again?

Maybe it is really up to me hold on to it myself and not lose sight of it again.

The thing about me is that whenever things starts to go well for me, I get paranoid that somehow it will go the other way very soon. It is not because I am pessimistic, just that somehow I feel that good things don't last forever, just as bad things won't always stay bad.

Isn't that an optimistic thought?

So for now, while things are this good. I am beginning to worry again.

When I will lose it all again.

And while these thoughts plague me, I shall just sit here by the soft glow of the morning light, and dwell in whatever moments of simple pleasure that my mind can conjure up right now.

And relax.

Chocolate

I am soooooooo going to watch this!

My Sunday

I am so beat!

Attended the New Body workout class at Amore today with PS and ST. It was not as tough as pilates, but I feel that it's much more intensive.

I am probably going to have some sore muscles again tomorrow! Haha.

After having dinner with the girls, I decided to watch The Forbidden Kingdom, while they headed on home. Bums don't really need to worry about working tomorrow, so bums can go watch movie. HAHA!

It was actually a very good movie. Not a fantastic one, but very entertaining. And it is really nice to see Jet Li and Jackie Chan together in the same movie. The martial arts scenes were good, although of course I still prefer any martial arts film with Donnie Yen in it. But Jet Li and Jackie Chan damn power! They were so fast, before my eyes can blink, one of them is on the floor already. Awesome.

I felt a few moments of touchedness (no such word!) during the movie. I really like how Asian martial arts oriented movies always have the same themes of loyalty and courage. It is like if you have these two, you can definitely become a martial arts expert although there is really no relation. And the scene when we realised who the Silent Monk really is. Nice touch! I love it! I really never saw it coming.

Hehheh. Okay, I am really tired. Time to go take a quick shower and get to bed. I am going to sleep so well tonight!

4.51 A.M.

Thoughts are swirling in my head again.

Not that it is a bad thing. I like swirling thoughts sometimes. Not always, but from time to time, they can be alright. They allow me to dwell in myself, where I can just be honest and vulnerable.

Without worries.

Often I wonder why things happen the way they do. Why things that seem difficult and complicated suddenly become easy and simple. And vice versa.

How one little insignificant thing can lead to a chain effect of many other unexpected things.

I think I am more accepting of the unexpected now. Simply because I know that there is nothing I can do to stop it from happening anyway. I guess acceptance really do changes a person. And I can say that at this very moment, although I won't consider myself a truly happy person, at the very least I am contented with my life.

And what I want right now at this point of time in my life is very simple. To quote a friend's MSN tag, "I don't wish for more happiness, I simply wish all I am having now remain mine..."

Just like that. Nothing difficult, nothing complicated.

Easy and simple.

See, these thoughts are not unpleasant. At all.

Huixia's Birthday Celebration

Another be-earlied birthday celebration for April baby Number 2, Huixia! Her birthday is actually next week, but as usual, we do our celebrations on the Friday before.

Had dinner at Ministry Of Food at Marina Square, which has okay Japanese food, I guess. Nothing exceptional. But probably because I ordered a boring prawn tempura soba. HJ say her cold noodles is really nice. Maybe I will give it a try sometime.

Went to Paulaner's after dinner for some drinks and major chit-chatting, and telling of qian bian wen da ti. Sigh, 25, girls, WE ARE 25!

Anyway, here are the pictures from the cake ceremony!


Birthday Girl!


Must be wishing for a diamond ring. Haha. =P


Cut cake time!


Which birthday celebration can be complete without a group photo! LOL!


Another one!

Fate VS Timing And The Eventual Happily Ever After

After chatting with Yoniko for the entire night, I decied to put my after thoughts of her after thoughts of the conversation we had into words. MUAHAAHAH!

Okay serious time.

I really like her last blog post. I have been there when she was with her ex-boyfriend. And I have seen how she and her current Mr Best got together in secondary school, then broke up. How he seem to always keep a special place in his heart for her. How he eventually won her heart. And how happy they are now.

She is someone who means so much to him that he never let her out of his mind.

Sometimes that is just what we need. Meaning something to someone, and having someone there for us when we are at our weakest.

But life is not simple, fate and timing is even more complicated. Perhaps circumstances do not allow. Perhaps it was just not the right time, or the right person. Or perhaps it's just not meant to be.

However, maybe what we need isn't absolute commitment. Maybe it is just enough to know that someone we care about at least has a place for us in their lives.

A friendly glance, a sincere smile, a thoughtful gesture. The little things that allow us to believe that at least our feelings are appreciated, if not reciprocated, even if that someone may not always be everything that we want them to be.

Although it may seem like slim pickings as compared to having someone who is always there, who feels strongly about you, but it just isn't the same when the multitude of feelings is just on different levels. Sometimes you can just care so much about someone that platonic cordiality becomes the only thing you want, because it would mean keeping that person in your life for as long as you can.

It is actually not a bad thing at all. No one ever gets everything they want. In life we lose a lot of things, some exceptionally treasured, others grossly neglected. But one thing is for sure, at some point of time, we will get around to feeling melancholy about these things. A lingering despondence for the treasured and a passing dolefulness for the neglected.

And I believe that it is through all these losses that we eventually get there. To the right time, the right person, the final meant-to-be for each one of us. And that will be the time when we finally get our eventual happily ever after.

Today

Hope everything will be the way you have always wanted it to be.

From now on.

Be happy.

Random Ramblings

Finally went for my first session at Amore, and attended the pilates class.

And it was NOT SIMPLE!

My gooooooooooooooooooooooodness. I've heard of how pilates can be tough for beginners, but NEVER IN MY IMAGINATION. Gosh, we should really have started with yoga instead of pilates.

I think I actually felt muscles that I have never used since the day I was born. Some of the exercise sets that the instructor asked us to do was so tough, that I can't even do it at all. Pilates is really not simple. Looks low impact, but is really quite intensive.

No wonder they say "train the powerhouse" or whatever lar. SIMI POWERHOUSE, I GOT NO POWER AT ALL LAR! ONLY GOT SORE MUSCLES, SORE MUSCLES!

But I think it's really good for toning up the body. But not very good for the back. Maybe because I din't do it properly. So many things to take note. Sigh, I can't even catch up with the breathing, how to concentrate on my posture? Think maybe because it's the first time I tried pilates, so still couldn't catch up.

Shall go for another pilates session soon. But I think I still would prefer yoga. Quite interested in their New Body and Stretch Fit workouts too. Think I need more toning than anything else. And kickboxing too. Hoho, wonder what would happen if someone kicks someone else by accident during kickboxing something.

I think if I kena kicked, sure faint.

Sigh... babbling nonsense again. It's FIVE AM! Time to sleep! GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD NIGHT! Bahaahaha.

NSFW - Watch At Own Discretion

HAHA! Funny stuff! Absolutely hilarious when she said "...faeces, you know faeces? Poo poo?"

I worry about it. I really do...

Majulah!

Was planning to sleep until the cows come home again today, but was rudely awoken by a reminder SMS from Starhub to pay my phone bill.

Sigh, I hate responsibilities.

Come to think of it, 2008 is going to be a year of some transitions and changes, not just for me but my friends as well, which also affects me in some ways.

Not only am I graduating this year, I have to start looking for a proper job. Which means this is it! I am finally embarking on the next phase of my life, and the career that I have always imagined bogging me down for the rest of my adult life. How wonderful!

Friends-wise, PS and FK are in queue for flats, and are probably wondering if they are really ready for the next big step. CY already took the step and got married, and as if that's not big enough, she is leaving for the States soon for 1.5 years. I am going miss her!

There are also some other friends getting married, and having babies and yada. I am really starting to feel like an adult! Hahaha! Sometimes I wish that I can stay a student forever. It seems like life is less complicated and there is really not much to worry about.

But that said, I feel like I am really ready for the transition to the next phase! After the past couple of months of ups and downs, I think I have experienced full-circle of what being "young and restless" (HAHAHA!) is like. All the teenage angst and excitement that I have never gone through before, has finally happened. I kinda feel like I was just waiting for these things to happen to me, so that I can go through the "full-package" before I am ready to go to the next step in life. So now I am good to move forward!

Let's just hope that 2008 can only become better from now on.

Love Songs For The Emotionally Wounded - PLAINSUNSET

And I know
That it's no
It's no excuse for me
And I could have been too
A bit too much for you
And the bond we used to have
Rusted away, rusted away

So long, you know
We couldn't save it
Long ago, and you know
We couldn't save it

And I know
That it's no
It's no excuse for me
And I could have been too
A bit too much for you
And the bond we used to have
Rusted away, rusted away

So long, you know
(Why did you have to leave me?)
We couldn't save it
(Why did you have to break free?)
Long ago, and you know
(Why did you have to leave me?)
We couldn't save it
(Why did you have to break free?)

Love Songs For The Emotionally Wounded

A song so beautiful, it makes me want to weep.

It's been too long since I heard such a poignant song.

So much so that I just want to say "KNNBCB! I CANNOT TAKE IT!!!"

I love it.

Very, very much so.

TIRED!

What an entirely tiring day! Actually worked from 9.30 am to 9.30 pm today! My gosh! It's been a while since I last did such a long shift. But overall it was not really tedious, just very long. I even had chances to catch 40 winks. Was so tired because I went to HJ's place yesterday and got in only at 3 am.

But I am glad I survived the day! Was actually doing VC for SIFF at Old School, this place near Plaza Singapura, which is supposed to be office areas for studios and companies related to the arts scene. And I was so tired that I couldn't talk coherently for the whole day, and generally just sat there with a dazed look. Good thing there wasn't any difficult customers.

It's also quite difficult to get to Old Place because to reach the place, you have to climb 99 steps. And I really believe it's literally 99 steps. And try doing that when you are a half-cripple like me with a stupid limp.

Oh yeah, my foot still have not recovered. Sigh. It's officially been a week since I last ran. But PS is jioing me for yoga on Wed. Hopefully my bu zhen qi foot will be fine by then.

So tired, I can't even blog intelligently. Just whatever that comes to mind. Shall go have dinner now, take a shower, then SLEEP! Target for tomorrow, SLEEP UNTIL THE COWS COME HOME! =P

That Thing That I Can't Say

I think I do, really.
There is nothing I can do about it, nothing to stop it.
I wish I can just scratch it away somehow.
But it's still there no matter how much I try.

God help me, but I really, irrevocably do.

I Dreamt...

Of him!


I don't know why. And it's always in interesting scenarios.

The first dream was about him being my new neighbour and had this really ugly girlfriend. Then one day there was a blackout and they came to borrow a torchlight. We got to chatting, and they asked me to show them around Singapore sometime. I was smitten, because let's face it, most of my neighbours are OLD. I think I remember thinking in my dream that I can so easily attract him away from his girlfriend. Sigh, I am so damn mean...

Anyway the second dream. I was in this homestay program in Taiwan, and I live with his family. But he's always aloof and don't talk to me at all. Until one day, it was raining and there was a blackout. And we started talking. But before I could dream further, I woke up.

Why always blackout huh? Weird! Consistency in dreams that are dreamt at least one and half months apart! Is that a sign? Bahahaha.

Anyway I think he's quite cute lar, I think it's the hair. I kinda like the short Princess-tie kinda hairstyle on guys. Heehee.

Anyway, I was looking at his blog, sigh... I could only read a few words before getting a headache. I don't read Chinese words well at all. Oh well, but I found another nice picture.



This one is not so much him, but the whole feel of it. So Shanghai-tan! Melancholy... I like!

Engrish

Was taking a break from studying for my degree level MCQ with a broad essay question exam tomorrow, when I decided to drop Engrish.com a visit. Wah, it's been a while since I last linked a website.

I know, I know, this website has been around for a long time. But good websites like that never gets old, okay? And hence I feel the need to share this with those SUAKUs who have never heard of it. This website is my sure-go-to when I feel bored. Never fails to crack me up.

Anyway, here are some of my favourites from my browsing today. -Random Thought Alert- Gee, I am freaking hungry! -End Of Random Thought-


Urm, okay. I will come back when I am not carrying a safe then. Just thought a safe will help me reach the bottom faster...


Hmmm, so does that mean I can fall between 1200 to 0200 and 1900 - 0900 hours?


Oh, so having fun is why I am dying. No wonder...


So is that corner okay?


HAHAHAAH! Self-explanatory!

YEAH!

Just when I was wondering if the results will NEVER COME, I spied the letter on the living table.

Haiyoh! How long has it been sitting there? Usually my Mum will put all my letters on my table, but don't know why this particular one, she just left it there, like it's no big deal. Of course she wouldn't know, but it's big deal to me! To think I was fretting about it all this while!

It was quite a scary experience, okay? Opening a letter like that at 3 a.m. in the morning. Ghost also not so scary! I think my heart pump until no more blood already, can? But I told myself, CANNOT BE! I NOT SO SUAY! And I opened it!

WOOWEE!!! RESULTS ARE NEGATIVE!!!

The past few weeks of worrying was for NAUGHT! I am in the clear!!!

I am so euphoric right now loh. I know most people would never expect themselves to have any form of life-threatening disease, but it was a genuine scare, okay?

Alright, time for some explanations. A few months ago, think January, I felt something lumpy in my right breast, and it kinda never went away. So being quite kiasee, I went to this STUPID-USELESS-DON'T-KNOW-TO-DIAGNOSE-PROPERLY clinic and asked the doctor for advise. I don't know if the doctor is incompetent, likes to scare people that they may be dying, or she just want to play safe, but she referred me to take a mammogram.

For someone hoping that the doctor will tell her that it's nothing, it was quite a terrible feeling. Sigh... I think I will remember that dread for the rest of my life.

And the mammogram was a HORRIBLE experience! I don't even want to describe, it was just horrible. Sigh, but I think all women should have regular checks. Although now it seems like a silly hypochondriac experience, but I really couldn’t stop thinking about it for the past few weeks.

I am not someone who likes to scare myself. I am usually quite optimistic that I will live forever. But now I know why some people always think that they are going to die.

When it's with something like that, you really cannot help but think of the worst. I kept thinking about what would happen if I really have breast cancer. What if it's not benign? What would happen to my parents? What would happen to my life? What if all my hair falls off? *HORROR* NOT MY HAIR!!!

I never really told a lot of people, just some of my Pinkies, because I don't want people to think I siao. Sometimes I can get very reluctant to talk about things that really bothers or scares me. I also didn't know what I will do if I really have breast cancer, so I tried my best to shove it off my mind. It's really a terrible disease.

I think I should really start looking after my health. I have been trying to eat healthier and exercise more, since it first hit me that I may have been taking my health for granted all this while. And I really think I want to go for more checks every year just to make sure nothing is wrong with my body. But mammograms, hmmm... Not sure I want to go through the same experience again, but it's worth it if we can detect any illness early.

Well, I guess gone is that particular piece of dark cloud hovering over me now. One less thing to fret about now. YEAH!

New Bloghead Post

Like my new bloghead? I think it's really nice. And guess where I took it?

I know I said to guess, but I will probably NEVER get a response, so I am just gonna say it. I took the picture at the bus-stop opposite my block. I was pretty surprised myself when I first saw this view. It's just so thought-provoking, ain't it? Too bad I din't have my camera, so had to take it with my phone.

Even so, it's quite nice. Although this picture probably doesn't do the actual landscape justice.

Who would have thought such beauty exists even in the heartlands.

One of these days I am going to bring my camera out and try to find some nice and interesting pictures to take in the neighbourhood. I am sure I will find plenty.

PS: I know I am not a damn good photographer or whatever, but I like taking pictures. A nicely-taken one really makes my day.

Wyn's "BeEarlied" Birthday Celebration Pictures

It's belated, but finally got around to twigging them so that I can post them. Took me a long time, okay?! At the expense of my degree level MCQ exam on Saturday, okay?! ^________________^


A picture with PS and DX. Dinner was at Miss Clarity, or was it Miss Charity? Not very sure. There were only five of us, the rest came later. I look so hiao in this picture!


The other two. Machiam celebrate my birthday hor. Haha!


A picture with the Birthday Girl!


I am pretty sure this is seafood vongole pasta. It's not bad, but I prefer pasta with creamier sauce.


Bon appetit! Baaah! Stupid picture!


Proceeded to Loof after dinner. And here's the cake! I really like this cake. It looks like those "cartoon" cakes that you see on sitcoms, know what I mean?

Note: The TOTO ticket does not belong to us lar, we not so auntie. It's the table decoration at Loof. Quite interesting actually.


Happy happy happy Birthday! Luv from Pink Army!!!


Group photo!


The ODD couple who likes to take self-shots with OTHER PEOPLE'S camera! =P


This picture is so funny that I just have to post it! CY, what are you doing???!!! And why I look so stressed, huh? I seemed to be looking at the cake thinking "So poor thing, cut until so ugly..." HAHA!


Hehheh, this picture is so cute! Don't know why DX always so stoic.


Birthday Girl eat cake!


DOMESTIC VIOLENCE!


Another funny picture where ALL OF US look funny. Candid shots are fun!


Surprise! All of them got presents for those of us who already had our birthdays! Bags!


A final group photo to end the night! SMILE!

Out of the doubt that fills my mind... I somehow find, you and I collide

"You want to take the easy way out because you are scared. And you are scared because if you try and fail, there is only you to blame. Life is scary. Get used to it! There are no magical fixes; it's all up to you. So get up and go start doing the work even if it's too hard.

Because nothing in this world that is worth having, comes easy."

Sometimes people find strength in the strangest of places. And make their decisions by following where this strength leads them instead of following the emotions of their hearts or the practicality of their minds.

It’s true that life is scary and we all protect ourselves in our own ways. But from time to time if something or someone can mean so much for us to shatter the shield we have around ourselves, maybe it’s worth it to stick around and see what can happen instead of just running away the moment it gets tough.

I am not going to wait for magical fixes anymore. Because if it is not this, if it is not now, it will be something else, some other time. I cannot just chuck it away everytime things become difficult.

I know that it is probably not going to be easy ahead. But at least I will know that I've tried, even if I fail.

I can’t give up now.

Because nothing in this world that is worth having, comes easy.

Sleepless In Singapore

A lot of thoughts are running through my mind again. Sigh. I hate being a state of mind like that.

I can't sleep!

Don't really want to talk about this with anyone. I am only good at putting into writing rather than vocalising such things anyway. So I guess blogging is the best form of outlet I have right now.

Sigh. I am really trying to fight all my natural instincts and just do the right thing. I chose to throw the stone and cause that ripple in what was already stillwater. So why am I feeling trepidation? Some sort of fear that maybe whatever it is, I have already done all I can, and it's just no use because it is really too late?

Maybe the idea of the possibility of something can be done just gives a person more strength to move forward, as compared to the sinking feeling that all there is left to do is just to walk away?

I am not crushed about it anymore, and the acceptance has been there for quite a while too. But I just hate the feeling of having regrets. Of what could have been done differently. I dwell too much, I know. I can't stop it even if my life depends on it.

I just want back that happy and comfortable feeling again. Is that really impossible? Or am I just too impatient? I keep reminding myself "small baby steps" and "no more nitpicking". But I don't know if I can stop myself from losing control or not. I hope I have it in me.

I am just so tired of swimming against the tide. Some help right now would be wonderful.

I really wonder what the future brings.

Sigh, okay, I do feel better now after vomitting out some of the bothersome thoughts. Now I can sleep.

Can't You Just Keep One Eye Closed And Follow My Lead If I Choose To Believe?

I don't want to be bound to you, yet I can't keep to my boundaries around you. - Henser Moer

Is this how Edward feels everytime he sees Bella? I wish I am Bella. But I think I am really Edward.

I like to rush, but don't want to be rushed. I like to be given time, but I can't seem to wait for time. I like to fix the things that go wrong, but I don't want to be fixed.

But the most important thing is that I cannot stand the thought of being loved when I don't. It's wrong, no matter how tempting it is. I guess after all, I still just want to be with someone I love rather than the other way round.

Stubborn huh?

Yeah...

Fancy A Holiday In Fucking?

[Stop Music]

Scrapped this from Yoniko. DAMN FUNNY!

Spam Spam Spam Spam Spam (The Email, Not The Meat)

Got an email on my yahoo mail with the subject "After you open this letter you will need to purchase big Condom" from the sender "Pritesh".

Well, not only does the Indian-sounding name and weird grammar structure not throw me off, I am simply OH-SO-EXCITED to open the email! LIKE RIGHT NOW! Yaay! BIG CONDOM! -_-

I wonder why anyone would bother sending out such spam. Not only do they not make much sense (Hello! only I get to decide if I want to open ANYTHING in my email, and when I want to buy condoms, regular, big or otherwise, OKAY? NO ONE ORDERS ME AROUND!), the odds of anyone taking them seriously is almost niente.

I said almost because there is always some poor dude out there who may just be unable to fit into a regular-sized condom, whose hopes at a normal and safe sex life may just be kindled by such emails. And imagine his world come crushing down because it's just all rubbish. We are talking about people's lives here, okay?

CURSE ALL INCONSIDERATE SPAMMERS!!!

That said, there is something to be said about ignoring spam. I think I am so used to it that I kinda developed a filter for it. I can scan through all my emails and instantly know which ones are the spam, without even registering what offensive subject line they have.

It's a handy skill, okay? There is just so many times you can read "Enlarge your penis by 10 inches" and "GET A BIG ONE DOWN THERE TODAY!". Sigh... I AM A WOMAN! I DON'T HAVE A PENIS and I don't think having a "big one down there" works for us ladies. Certain things are meant to be smaller and tight. ;)

Oh well... I guess that's it for my rant on spam. And now I have a craving for spam. The meat, not the email.

崇拜 - 梁静茹

你的姿态
你的青睐
我存在在你的存在
你以为爱
就是被爱
你挥霍了我的崇拜

我活了 我爱了
我都不管了
心爱到疯了恨到算了
就好了

可能的 可以的
真的可惜了
幸福好不容易
怎么你却不敢了呢

我还以为我们能
不同于别人
我还以为不可能的
不会不可能

你的姿态
你的青睐
我存在在你的存在
你以为爱
就是被爱
你挥霍了我的崇拜

风筝有风
海豚有海
我存在在我的存在
所以明白
所以离开
所以不再为爱而爱
自己存在在你之外

Click to listen

An Unstable Post From An Unstable Mind

I am still up at this unearthly hour of 5.30something in the morning.

No, it's not what some of you might be thinking. I did not just staggered home, drunk from a wild night. The thought is just ridiculous because I don't stagger. I drag myself along.

Tried to sleep earlier on, but the so many stupid thoughts in my brain was making me restless. So I switched on some KT Tunstall and started playing Big 2 on Viwawa (which is an awesome website btw) to try to clear my head. That was about 3 hours ago? Gee I have absolutely no idea, the time just flew by.

Can't believe how a simple strategy card game can just occupy your mind and make you forget about your problems. Of course the great music helped too. Love KT Tunstall.

My left foot hurts. I think I injured it while running the treadmill just now. If it doesn't recover by tomorrow, I will probably have to stop running for a couple of days. Sigh, I really do enjoy my treadmill sessions. At least a little bit. I don't really have a lot of stamina, so I do short bursts of 10 minutes and 5 minutes, alternating between speed 7 and 8, sometimes 9 if I don't feel too much like a ragged dog.

Okay, I know I am not SUPER FAST, but at least I am not just strolling on my treadmill. I used to really hate running, but I find that if I let my thoughts wander and not concentrate too much on how much or how fast I am running, it's not really that bad. Although it definitely doesn't compare to the long runs that those disgustingly fit athletes does, any form of daily exercise is good for health. And I always try to do at least 30 minutes which is a recommended minimum time a person should be exercising. Bahaha. I got study Wellness one, okay?

And I also realise that it is also a good time to do some thinking. I don't know. Sometimes when you feel like dying from the shortness of breath, certain random thoughts that can be rather interesting, may pop into the head and keep you entertained.

Still had not started my first session at Amore. Was supposed to go tomorrow, actually later, for fundamental pilates, but PS was not feeling up to it. So we decided to go another time. The good thing is Wanyee told me she also has a membership at Amore. One more workout buddy. I like~~~

Okay, time to stop babbling. I think I am finally tired enough to sleep. Meeting Junie and Wyn later for a KTV session. Sigh, I am quite unhappy with a friend. I feel like I am being concern about her and trying to help her, but she kinda gives me the feeling that she doesn't need it or doesn't appreciate it at all. Well, if she really think I am not good enough of a friend to her, then there's nothing I can do. Sometimes no matter how much you try to do the right thing, you end up in a worst off place than people who don't even bother.

Everyone have their burdens, if you don't say, how can you expect people to know?

Sigh, I need to stop worrying about others and just think about myself. But somehow, thinking about other people's problems make me less fretful about my own.

The results are coming... The nearer the date, the more real it becomes. And I think I am really scared. I really am scared shitless for the first time in my life...

See what I mean about the stupid thoughts? They just keep coming and jumping from here to there, with no coherence or sequence. So messy. How to sleep like that? Arrgh. Kill me, just kill me now.

No More Reasons Not To

"When everything around you starts to slow down and you have a quiet moment. Think of what you are missing out the most."

After the constant activity of the past few weeks, I think I am finally slowing down and trying to take a breather. While I am not sure that I really want one right now, because such moments really give me a lot of space to think about things that I rather not, I guess certain things have to be faced sometime.

One month? Two months?

What is a suitable length of time for someone to take timeout from another person? Maybe a long time if things ended off on an unpleasant note that has left its mark on both of them?

I am not sure anymore.

While I am glad that I have come this far and came to terms with the way things have to be, the idea of not doing anything and just wait for everything to work out by itself just does not suit me. But I am not brave enough to throw a stone in to ripple what already seems like still water.

And I am not too sure about myself either, whether I can really keep to whatever decisions that I eventually have to make. About the kind of person I want to be. About what I want to do.

Maybe it is really still too early.

Maybe eventually it will stop mattering entirely.

Sleepy Sleeperson

Just came back from St James (again).

I hate it that I always feel so refreshed after a shower, no matter how long I had been out, that I can't sleep immediately.

And hence I blog.

Actually went to St James to meet up with Wanyee because I haven't seen her in a while, and because she's leaving for Paris for two weeks. Her friend had a table at Dragonfly, so I went there instead of my usual Boiler Room. DID NOT SEE MY FAVOURITE SINGER TODAY! I must be cursed, I went to Boiler Room twice, and both times, the band was between performances. Sigh...

It's been quite a while since I've been to Dragonfly, since we always had trouble even getting standing space in there. PS and her cousin also came at around 2 am to find her cousin's friend. And I jumped table to join them. Hoho, they are a vastly different group, an older group, and its definitely an interesting change. They are more flamboyant and loud, which really heightens the clubbing mood!

I absolutely adore PS' cousin and her cousin's best friends. They are so friendly and exuberant, it's difficult not to feel like I have known them forever. And I think I have perfected the skill of being a faux good drinker. LOL. It was quite funny when this guy from the group said to me "Wah, you can really drink!", while I was sitting there sipping my green tea. And I challenged him to finish up our own individual drinks.

Short end of the straw for him. HAHA! Who ask him to ka jiao girls, keep disturbing PS and me. But he's nice lar, he told me that I don't have to worry about anyone bullying me in Dragonfly, because he's the big brother there. Quite hmmm, but it's still nice, eh?

Overall a fun night. It's beginning to interest me how I seem to enjoy going to St James so much.

PS: Goddamned ringing in my ears. Sigh...

Twilight

Currently reading this and totally hooked. Awesome!

Stolen

[Stop Music]

We watch the season
Pull up it’s own stakes
And catch the last weekend
Of the last week
Before the gold and the glimmer have been replaced
Another sun soaked season fades away

You have stolen my heart
You have stolen my heart

Invitation only
Grant Farewells
Crash the best one
Of the best ones
Clear liquor and cloudy eyed
Too early to say goodnight

You have stolen my heart
You have stolen my heart

And from the ballroom floor
We are in celebration
One good stretch before our hibernation
Our dreams assured and we all
Will sleep well

Sleep Well
Sleep Well
Sleep Well
Sleep Well

You have stolen my
You have stolen my
You have stolen my heart

Watch you spin around
In the highest heels
You are the best one
Of the best ones
We all look like we feel

You have stolen my
You have stolen my
You have stolen my heart